


Wild Beginnings, Happy Endings

by Jadeqaf



Series: Wild Beginnings Universe [1]
Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-23
Updated: 2018-06-23
Packaged: 2019-05-27 06:34:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 33,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15018776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jadeqaf/pseuds/Jadeqaf
Summary: A grown up Gus asked the hard questions about how his fathers moved from friends to lovers. The main story takes place post season 2 after Justin and Brian break up at the Rage party.





	Wild Beginnings, Happy Endings

**Author's Note:**

> Discussions of rape, drug use, suicide

2022  
~~~~~

 

"Hey Father Michael." Michael looked up from his desk and smiled. Standing in front of him was a young man, about 22, sandy blond hair, hazel eyes. Gorgeous, but that was to be expected; he looked just like his father did at the same age. 

"How many times have I asked you not to call me that? It makes me sound like a fucking priest." 

"And we both know how far from a priest you are. Especially with..." 

"Hey, you're too young to hear that," Michael cut him off with a laugh. 

Gus started laughing so hard that Michael thought he would hurt something. "Please, like I haven't heard about sex from my father, both mothers, you, Grandma Deb, Uncle Ted and Auntie Em, and Uncle Justin. The only relatives who haven't given me 'the talk' are Grandma Jen and Aunt Molly." 

"Molly kept her nose out of your sex life? That's a surprise, she won't keep it out of anyone else's." Thinking about Justin's younger sister always made Michael smile. Having been around the crowd since she was nine, she had wry observances about who should be with whom, who wasn't getting enough, and who needed to lay off. 

Gus looked at the man who was a second father to him. Some people might call him average. Brown hair, brown eyes, medium build, but some people need glasses. Michael Novotny was one of the best looking men in Pennsylvania, especially when discussing something or someone he loved. Then it was like he was lit from within. 

"What are you doing here?" 

Suddenly, Gus's smile left his face. "I wanted to talk to you and Dad about something." 

"Must be serious. I haven't seen you look this concerned since you came out to us." Michael laughed at the memory. 

Gus smiled. "Well, it wasn't easy telling a houseful of fags and lesbians that you're straight. But no, it's not that serious, it's just that no one will talk about it." 

Dread filled Michael's heart. He'd known this day would come, but he'd hoped to have some warning. But Gus deserved some answers. He called out. "Brian, your son's here." 

Brian walked out of the bedroom. Time had not changed Brian Kinney at all. A few gray hairs only added distinction and the few smile lines, character. At 51 he could still turn heads and make Michael's mouth water. 

"Hey sonnyboy, what's up?" Brian embraced Gus with easy affection, the sat on the edge of Michael's chair. He leaned over and landed a wet, slobbery kiss on Michael's cheek. "Hey Mikey." Even after 20 years together, those two words never stopped sending a chill up Michael's spine. 

"Hey Bri." Brian looked over at the man he's loved for 37 years and lived with for 20. He noticed that his eyes were troubled and guarded. Softly he said, "What's wrong?" 

"Gus wants answers." Those three words sent a chill through Brian's heart. He'd really hoped this day would never come. How do you explain the failings of a lifetime? They had cleaned up certain facts of Brian's life and completely rewrote the story of how he and Michael had finally moved from best friends to lovers. There were few who knew the whole truth and those who did had promised never to speak of it until Gus asked. Now he had. 

His voice shook as he spoke to Gus. "Are you sure? Because once spoken, the words can never be unsaid. You'll never look at me, or anyone else for that matter, the same again. Are you ready for that, to discover that your dad isn't the man you thought he was?" Brian's voice was soft and low. 

Gus sat quietly in his chair. He had thought about all of that. It scared him. He loved his father and Michael. Would learning the truth change his relationship with them? Gus wasn't sure but he had to know. He'd heard snippets of conversations, enough to know that Brian had hurt Michael more than anyone. If Michael could forgive his dad, surely he would be able to. 

"I'm sure. It's like I have this puzzle. I know what the final picture is, but I don't have all the pieces. And the ones I do have are confusing and unclear." Brian was impressed by his son's mature and brave soul. 

Resigned to living out the worst moments of his life for his son, Brian turned to Michael. "Can we go sit on the couch? I want to hold you while I tell the story." The anguish in his voice was heartbreaking. Gus abruptly changed his mind. 

"No Dad. We don't have to do this. I don't need to know." Gus did not have the stomach to break his father's heart. 

"God, you're a softy, Michael's been a bad influence on you." He looked into the dark chocolate eyes of the man he had shared most of his life with. Michael just smiled. He appreciated how hard this was going to be. 

Turning to Gus, Michael said, "No, I think it's a good idea. We haven't talked about it since the night your father and I sat around your moms' living room while you slept upstairs and decided to keep it quiet. I think Brian needs to talk about it." 

Michael smiled at Brian, a brilliant dazzling smile that came from within. Brian never stopped being amazed and awed; that smile had kept him going through some of the toughest times in his life. "Mikey's right. I need you to understand." 

Gus got up and hugged his father. "I love you dad, remember that." 

Gus sat on the chair across from his fathers. He hoped he found what they had someday. The love these two men shared radiated from them and made them glow. "So what happened? What did you do to Father Michael?" 

Brian's voice shook and his eyes filled with tears as he hugged Michael and answered. 

"I almost killed him." 

 

Gus sat in quiet shock. He had imagined one hundred different scenarios but that wasn't one of them. He looked at Michael, who had moved onto Brian's lap. Holding Brian tightly, he murmured soothing words of love and forgiveness. "It wasn't your fault. I told you that. I made my own choices."

Brian's voice cracked, "Yes it was. Everyone knows that. Just because you forgave me doesn't change what I did. If I hadn't.... you wouldn't have almost died."

The pain in his father's voice was heartbreaking. Gus wished he had listened to the warnings, but in typical Kinney stubbornness, he'd thought he could handle anything. However, now that he had started this, he had to finish it, for his father's sake. Brian needed to finish it; and Gus needed him to finish it.

Brian shuddered as he clung to the man in his arms.. He rarely thought about those dark, horrible days anymore. He had made peace with the man he used to be and Michael had forgiven him. Now, he needed his son to forgive him.

"What happened?" Gus's quiet words brought Brian back. Gus had only seen his father cry twice. Once at Grandpa Vic's funeral, and once at his and Michael's wedding. Neither time had he seen the raw anguish and pain in his eyes.

Brian's eyes glazed over as he drifted back in time.

 

2002 Pittsburgh

Brian leaned over the railing, looking over the Babylon dance floor. God, he was bored. Since he'd broken up with Justin six months earlier, nothing had caught his interest. Oh sure, the backroom saw him more often, but there was no joy in the hunt, no thrill in the chase.

"So, see anything you like?" Brian turned around and saw the most hideous outfit known to man.

"Hello Emmett. Where's your better half?" Brian leaned over and kissed a surprised Emmett on his cheek.

"The love of my life is getting our drinks." Emmett's eyes sparkled as he talked about Ted. Six months and they were still going strong. "So, you didn't answer my question. See anything you like?"

"No. I've had everyone here I want." He didn't notice Michael behind him, or see the flash of pain in his dark brown eyes. Michael turned on his heels and walked off. At Emmett's gasp, he turned around. "Shit!" Emmett started after Michael, but Brian put his hand on his arm. "No, I'll talk to him."

Emmett snapped. "And say what? That you didn't mean him? That's bullshit. You did. Just leave him to me, just like you have for the past six months. You pushed him away when he tried to help after Justin left, and then you left town. You've barely spoken to him, and when you have, it's been just like tonight. I'll talk to him." 

Emmett left a stunned Brian standing alone. He could see Emmett catch up with Michael. He couldn't see Michael's face, but his body spoke volumes. Emmett whispered in Michael's ear, then kissed him. Michael laughed but even over the noise of Babylon, Brian could tell that is was a forced, thin laugh. Michael hugged Emmett and walked away.

"What did you do now?" The quiet voice stirred Brian from his thought. Ted stood next to him holding two drinks.

"What the fuck makes you think I did anything?"

"Gee, I don't know. Michael's upset and you aren't talking to him, Emmett is. So, you're the reason he's upset."

"Fuck off." Brian turned his back to Ted and leaned on the railing, watching Michael walk across the dance floor. Feeling Brian's gaze, Michael met his eyes. Brian was stunned by what he saw. Nothing. There was no joy, no laughter, no life in Michael's eyes. Shit. What the fuck had he done?

"Shit." The expletive was a whisper of pain and fear.

"Now what?" Emmett had returned. He looked over at Brian. What he saw unnerved him. Brian looked devastated. "Honey, what's wrong?" Emmett might be mad at Brian, but he still loved him.

"Nothing." Brian wished for the return of his earlier boredom. Anything would be better than this sickening dread making him nauseous, sitting like a dead weight in his stomach. What was he going to do? After the break up with Justin, Brian had needed to be alone and had pushed everyone away, including Michael. But he knew his Mikey would be there for him when he was ready to reach out to someone. But Michael had pushed him away. Brian had allowed it, not really knowing what to do. He'd never had to push Michael to need him. He had to find Michael, he needed to get his Mikey back. But how? Brian wasn't the strong one. He couldn't be the strong one, Michael was.

"Bye guys." Brian handed his drink to a surprised Emmett and walked off. He had to find Michael.

"What was that about?" Ted looked at Emmett, surprised once again that this amazing, flamboyant man actually loved him. Six months, his longest relationship ever.

"Honey, the hell if I know." Emmett draped himself across Ted's back. "Brian said something stupid and insensitive.."

"As usual."

"Michael overheard him and walked off. After I finished talking to Michael, I came back here. You know as much as I do."

"I'm worried about Michael. He's been depressed since Ben left. I don't know how much more he can take, especially from Brian. How can Brian be so fucking blind?" He inhaled so he could keep ranting, but Emmett kissed him. Slowly, deeply. When they broke apart, Ted couldn't catch his breath. Then he smiled. "Good way to shut me up."

"Darlin', that wasn't the reason I kissed you. You look adorable with that fire in your eyes. I also agree with you. One more push from Brian and I think Michael will jump. I'm scared for him."

Hugging his lover, Ted said, "I'm sure he'll be fine. We just have to figure out how to reach him." Comforting each other, they held each other.

"What, you two still at it? Get a room, why don't you?" A new voice interrupted the tender moment.

"Justin, honey. When did you get home?" Emmett threw his arms around Justin's neck.

Justin laughed, then started to gasp. "Hey Em. I can't breath. Em. EM!" Justin looked helplessly at Ted. "Some help please?"

"Ok Em. Let go of Justin before we start calling you Deb." Ted pulled on Emmett's arms, releasing Justin from his death grip.

"Fuck, Em. Have you been working out? I don't recall you having those kind of muscles. And to answer your questions, I got home this afternoon and yes I've seen everyone." As Justin spoke, his eyes scanned the room.

"If you're looking for Brian he just took off." Ted informed Justin. Although everyone had remained friends, things were still awkward between Justin and Brian. Things had been tense between him and Michael for a few weeks but after a delicious fight in the middle of Woody's that most of gay Pittsburgh had been an audience for, they were closer then ever. Work on Rage and their love for Brian had given them common ground on which to build a real friendship.

"I'm not looking for him. I'm looking for Michael. I saw him earlier at Deb's and I said something that I think upset him. I want to make sure he's ok." Justin's blue eyes looked worried as they scanned the dance floor again.

"What did you say?" Emmett had figured that Michael must have already been upset when he heard Brian's comment or he would have let it roll off his back like so many others.

"I told him that Ethan and I broke up."

"Shit, that explains...." Emmett stopped. Michael had asked him not to say anything, and he wasn't about to break that confidence, not yet.

"Explains what?"

"Oh nothing. Just something Michael said earlier. So, sweetness, what happened with you and violin boy?" Justin's friendships may have survived intact but the boys did not like Ethan. They never came right out and said anything, but their feelings were well known.

"He tried to forbid me to see you guys. I think he was jealous."

"Just fabulous me, or all of your friends?"

"All of you, especially Michael."

"Wait, he was jealous of Michael, but not Brian?" Ted's surprise echoed Emmett's.

Justin's golden laughter was swallowed by the thumping music. "Hey, can we get out of here and talk? I have a lot to tell you and I don't feel like yelling."

"Sure. I could use a bite to eat. How about the diner?" Ted suggested.

"Ok hon. I'll look for Brian and Michael and meet you there." Emmett was off.

When Brian left Emmett and Ted, he headed toward the last spot he'd seen Michael. Looking around, there was no sign of him. He headed for the back room, shaking his head, trying to erase the image of Michael's dead, cold eyes from his mind. It wasn't working and Brian knew he's see that look till the day he died.

Frustrated with his search, he was just about to give up with he saw him. And what he saw scared him to the core. "MIKEY! What the fuck are you doing?" Brian's voice could be heard above the rest of the din. Spurred on by fear and anger, he reached Michael just as he pulled the needle out of his arm.

"What the fuck do you care?" The words were Michael's, but there was no emotion behind them. For months, Michael had been able to fool everyone into thinking he was ok. No more. "Justin's home and single. Why are you here? Shouldn't you be off having a fabulous make up fuck?"

"What does Justin have to do with this?"

"Nothing. He has nothing to do with nothing."

"Mikey, what else are you on?"

In a strange echo of the night that Justin and Brain had met, Michael replied, "A-B-C-D-E-E-E." He giggled.

"Who gave it to you? You didn't get if off that bitch Anita, did you?" Brian was scared. This wasn't his best friend. Suddenly suspicious, Brian looked down at Michael's arm. "FUCK!!!!!" Michael's attitude and distance suddenly made perfect sense. For there, on Michael's arm was the evidence that confirmed Brian's worst suspicions. This wasn't Michael's first experiment with heroin.

Brian began to cry. 

 

"Shit Mikey. What the fuck have you been doing? Never mind, I can see the answer." Disgusted with himself for having never noticed, for not pushing back when Michael pushed him away, Brian stood up. "Come on Mikey, let's get you out of here." Brian put his arm around Michael, but before they had walked five feet, Michael passed out. "Fuck. Damn it Mikey." Brian laid him down on one of the couches. Praying the entire time, Brian pulled out his cell phone and called Ted. "Ted, I need help. Meet me in front of Babylon."

Swinging Michael up in his arms, Brian carried him out the front door. He was relieved that Ted and Emmett were already there. "We need to get Mikey to the hospital."

Emmett was the first to recover. "What happened? Should we call an ambulance?"

"No, I think he'll be ok until we can get him there. I'll sit in the back seat with him. Ted, can you help me with him?" Brian's voice was unlike any ever heard from him before. Gone was the undercurrent of sex that Brian conveyed with every word he spoke. In it's place was a small, almost childlike voice.

"Ah, Brian. I think I should tell you..." Ted started to explain about his passenger, but Justin stepped out of the car.

"Hi Brian. Let me help you with him." The sight of Brian never failed to impress Justin and take him back to that moment almost three years ago when he first caught sight of that dark hair.

Brian was surprised to see Justin there, but the man he held cradled in his arms consumed all his attention and emotions. There was no room left to be angry with Justin. "Thanks."

"Let's go." Between the four of them, they got Michael arranged in the back seat on Brian's lap. Brian ran his hand up and down Michael's back. The only sound to be heard was Brian repeating, over and over, "I'm sorry Mikey. I'm sorry Mikey." Justin tried to ask what had happened, but Brian was beyond answering any questions.

The drive to the hospital had never seemed to take so long. The tension in the car was heavy with unasked questions.

Once at the hospital, Brian and Justin took Michael in while Ted and Emmett parked the car. So Justin was the only one who heard those words: "drug overdose, heroin, ecstasy." The thought of Michael trying to drown his pain in drugs and alcohol shook the foundation of everything Justin knew about him. He sat by Brian's side, holding his hand. Brian was oblivious to Justin's attempts to comfort him. He was locked in a world no one else could enter.

Ted and Emmett joined them. For a minute, no one said a word. Then Ted broke the silence. "Has anyone called Debbie?"

Brian just shook his head. He hadn't said a word since the doctor threw him out of the examining room.

Emmett quietly said, "I'll do it." He walked over to the pay phones to make the most difficult call of his life. It was a short conversation and he quickly returned. "She's on her way. I couldn't tell her much, because I'm not sure what happened."

"He overdosed on heroin." Justin's words echoed through the mostly empty waiting room.

"What?" Ted and Emmett spoke with one voice. Emmett started to cry.

Just then, the doctor came out to speak to them. "He's stable, but he's still unconscious. Has his family arrived yet?"

"No." It was the first word Brian had said in close to half an hour.

"Ok. Do any of you know if Michael happened to be suicidal?"

Emmett's quiet voice answered, "Yes. He said something tonight. I thought he was talking about something completely different when he said that he was giving up." Emmett shot a look at Brian.

"What about the drugs? How long as he been using?"

"No more than 4 or 5 months." Ted looked around for confirmation.

"That sounds about right. Five months would have been when Ben left for Tibet." Emmett hugged Ted as he answered.

The doctor made her notes. "He's in serious condition. From what I can tell, he mixed a lot of different drugs with booze. Even if he wakes up, there is a chance of brain damage." Every word out of the doctor's mouth hit Brian like a slap across the face. "We are treating this as a suicide attempt. Normally, only family would be allowed in the room with him while we waited for a room, however I think he could use some company while we wait for his mother. So, two of you can wait with him, I'll leave you to fight about it." With that, the doctor turned and left.

Three heads simultaneously turned to Brian. He was shaking his head. "I can't. It's my fault he's in there."

Justin got in his face. "You will go in there and you will hold his hand and talk to him. You can have your guilt trip later. Right now, he needs you, and you are NOT going to let him down again."

All the fight left Brian as he agreed. "Will you go back with me?"

"Of course."

Emmett said, "We'll wait here for Deb."

Justin and Brian walked back to where Michael was. He looked more at peace than anyone had seen him in months. The machines measuring his life beeped in a reassuring rhythm. Brian pulled a chair over next to Michael's bed. Justin took a seat on the other side. Almost as one, they each took one of Michael's hands.

They sat there quietly for a few minutes, then Justin began to talk.

"Oh Michael. Why? I love you, you know. I always wanted a big brother, and I guess that's what you are. I know I've been a royal pain in the ass, but hey, isn't that what little brothers do?" Justin smiled. Things had changed between them since that first night. Justin had seen Michael only as an obstacle to Brian's love. He had taken joy in moving into Michael's room and doing what he had never been able to. Have sex with Brian in his bed. But times change. By the time they started working on Rage, they had become good friends. Things had been rough after Michael had found out about Ethan, but the memory of them airing their differences at Woody's would delight him for years. Now, Justin was as close to Michael as he was to anyone.

Brian sat quietly with his thoughts. He had known that Michael and Justin had made up, you couldn't walk into Woody's without someone telling the story, but he hadn't known how close they had become. He was glad, for both of them.

How had this happened? How had he failed Mikey so badly? For the first month after Justin had left, he hadn't been able turn around with out tripping over Michael. All he'd wanted to do was crawl into his loft and not come out. Finally, it had gotten to be too much. The same night that Ben left so had Brian. He wasn't there when Michael needed him. No one had known how to reach him, not even Cynthia.

Brian had only been gone for two weeks, but obviously, that had been enough. He had tried to call Michael when he got back, but he wouldn't talk to him. If he stopped by the store, Michael would be polite and make plans ,but he'd never follow through. And rather than confront him about it, he'd let him slide. Eventually, he'd let Michael cut him off completely. And in doing so, he'd almost killed his best friend.

Tears streamed down Brian's face. There were things he wanted to say to Michael, but he didn't want an audience. There were things that needed to be said to Michael first, and he was scared he'd never get the chance to say them.

"Please Mikey, you have to wake up." The plea sounded like it had been ripped from Brian's very soul.

He had no idea how long he sat there holding Michael's hand, pouring all his love and will into Michael. And Brian found himself doing something he hadn't done since he was 12. He prayed.

When Brian looked up, he was surprised. Justin had been replaced by Debbie. Guilt and fear had him looking away.

"What the hell happened Brian?" Deb was scared and her voice carried none of her usual fire.

"I - I-. He needed me and I wasn't there. I failed him Debbie." He finally met her eyes.

"Yes you did. You were so wrapped up in your own problems that you didn't see what was right in front of your face. Losing Ben hurt him. Losing you almost killed him." Debbie turned away from Brian. "Now if you don't mind, I would like to be alone with my son."

Brian stood up, kissed Michael on the lips, and whispered, "Love you." Stopping at the door, he turned back toward Debbie, "I'm sorry."

Justin was waiting for Brian. He quickly moved to embrace him, but Brian walked right past him. Justin followed. He knew where Brian was headed. The same place he went the night Gus was born, only this time, Superman was Clark Kent.

"Justin, I'm glad you're here." The sentiment surprised Justin. He hadn't thought Brian had been aware of anyone other than Michael.

"I love him too, you know." Justin smiled. Maybe tonight, he could get Brian to admit his true feelings for Michael.

"I got that. What I meant was, thank you for following me up here." Brian pulled a pack of cigarettes from his jacket and after offering one to Justin, lit one and inhaled deeply.

"Brian, regardless of what happens between us, we will always be friends." The quiet sincerity in his voice was a balm to Brian's shattered psyche.

"You're right. So what happened with your violin player?"

"He didn't want me to see any of my friends. He was extremely jealous."

For a brief second, a flash of the real Brian lurked in his eyes. "Of me?"

Justin laughed, trust Brian. "No, of Michael."

Brian wasn't surprised. "Why Michael?"

"Ethan knew that you and I were over. He had no problems with that, but as Michael and I got closer, he felt threatened. I'm not sure exactly what his problem was, I just finally had enough."

"So, where are you staying?"

"With Deb. And Brian, thank you for continuing to help with my tuition. I know that my mom said it was my dad, but everyone knows better."

Brian blushed. He'd gone to Jennifer with Justin's tuition and told her to tell Justin that his father had given in. Obviously, Justin hadn't fallen for it. "I didn't want you to give up on art school. Besides, we have a contract, I didn't want you to sue me."

"Like I would have done that."

"Look, just forget it. I'll keep paying your tuition and any other expenses you need. No big deal."

Finishing his cigarette, Brian walked over to the ledge, his shoulders shaking. "I've lost him Justin. Even if he wakes up, even if he's just like before. He'll never forgive me."

Wordlessly, Justin walked over to Brian. "You're right. You let him down badly. He needed you. He wouldn't let anyone else in. He was just waiting for you to remember that he was your best friend. You should have seen him. He started moving through his life like a shadow. Everyone noticed, but he said he was fine. We thought he was at least talking to you. By the time we found out he wasn't, it was too late. He wasn't talking and you weren't listening when we tried to tell you that he was in trouble."

As Justin spoke, Brian's guilt grew. The magnitude of his complete failure overwhelmed him. He collapsed in tears.

Justin relented. "But Michael's got a big heart. That's what gets him in trouble. He might forgive you, but you are going to have to beg. And you are going to have to completely bare your soul. Tell him everything."

"He knows everything abut me."

"Everything? Than he knows you love him?"

"Of course he knows I love him."

"No, I mean that you are in love with him." Brian turned his tear stained face to Justin.

"What the fuck are you talking about. I don't-"

"Please. Even now, you can't admit it? Brian, if you don't want Michael to walk out of your life forever, you are going to have to be 100% completely honest with him for the first time. No hiding behind the walls. He has to know that you will never let him down again. That you will hold him, protect him, and love him for the rest of your lives. Can you do that? Will you do that? Because if you can't, walk away now. It will be less painful for him in the long run."

Brian was silent. How had Justin known? Brian had never admitted his feelings to anyone, including himself. So how had a 19 year old kids managed to figure it out?

"How did you know?"

"Brian, the only ones who don't know how you feel are you and Michael. Even Ben knew. That's why-." Justin abruptly stopped, that was for Michael to tell.

"That's why what?"

"That's why I left. I didn't want to be second choice. I wanted what you gave Michael." Justin's explanation was the truth, but only part of it. This wasn't the time to rehash their relationship. They would have to talk, but much later. 

"Justin, I'm sorry." Suddenly, the ground Brian stood on shifted. The memories of a lifetime turned and Brian saw them from the outside. And he finally saw what everyone else saw. He was in love with Mikey.

"I love him." The statement was quiet, but sure.

"Shouldn't you tell him that?" Justin walked over and embraced the first man he'd loved.

"If I get a chance to. What if he doesn't wake up?" Despair overwhelmed Brian and he clung to Justin, taking in his warmth and strength.

The sky was beginning to lighten when Ted arrived. "Brian, Michael's awake. He's asking for you." 

 

Approaching Debbie was the hardest thing Brian had ever had to do. Her words still echoed in his ears. "Losing you killed him." How was he ever going to earn her forgiveness?

"How is he?"

Startled, Debbie spun around. "He's awake and he wants to see you."

"Do you want me to see him?"

"Not particularly, but that's not up to me. Before you go in, the doctor has a few things to tell you."

The slim, red haired woman next to Deb introduced herself. "I'm Dr. Teri Forbes, Michael's doctor. It looks like he's going to be fine. Under normal circumstances, we would move him over to the rehab unit, but--" Dr Forbes took a deep breath. "There's no easy way to say this. Michael doesn't remember the last five months. The last thing he remembers is looking for you the night Ben left."

Shock left Brian speechless.

Justin spoke for him. "What? You mean he doesn't remember the drugs, the overdose? None of it?"

"No. There is no sign of brain damage, so i think it's a psychological block. Do any of you know what happened that night?"

"No, I was out of town." Brian's guilt overwhelmed him. Was it the fact that he hadn't been there, or did something happen to Michael that night? "So what do we do? We can't pretend that it's five months ago, and we can't hide the drug use, he's going to see his arms."

"You're right. But don't pressure him into remembering. For now, he needs to heal. He'll be able to go home in a few days. After that, I want him in therapy. Answer his questions honestly, but don't give him too much detail." Dr. Forbes turned to leave.

Someone had called Mel and Linds. Gus slept quietly in Melanie's arms. Brian smiled at his son, the one thing he'd done right. He knelt next to Melanie and kissed Gus's cheek. "Hey sonny boy. Guess your old man really fucked up this time." Melanie leaned over and kissed a surprised Brain.

"Don't beat yourself up too much. No one else saw it either." Melanie's quiet words did nothing to ease Brian's guilt.

"No one else is his best friend." Brian stood and walked to Debbie. "Are you sure about this?"

"No. But he wants to see you, that's all that matters. But if you break my son's heart again, I'll kill you." The threat was that much more serious for the lack of normal Debbie volume.

Brian hugged the mother of his heart. "I won't hurt him again."

Debbie returned the hug and sent him into Michael's room. She muttered affectionately after him, "Asshole."

Brian looks tired, was Michael's first thought. Frustration at the missing time welled up. The doctor had told him that he'd overdosed, and Ben had left five months ago. He remembered that fight. It was ugly. He'd left Ben's apartment and headed for Brian's. That was the last thing he remembered. What had happened to make him break his promise to Brian about never doing drugs without him?

"Hey Mikey." There was a new tone in Brian's voice. Quiet and affectionate. Brain walked over and took his hand. "You look horrible."

"Yeah, well I feel horrible."

"I'm sorry Mikey. I haven't been the best friend I should have--" Michael cut him off with a finger to his lips.

"Brian, shut up. I'm glad you are here. Can we just be for a while? We can talk later." Michael started drifting off into sleep.

"Sure Mikey." Soon, Michael was asleep. Brian moved only to crawl into bed with his friend. The need to hold him was overwhelming. If he had his way, he'd never sleep without Michael again.

Once he was sure that Michael was asleep, Brian started to talk.

"God, Mikey. What the hell were you thinking? I know what you were thinking. You thought I didn't give a shit anymore. You thought you couldn't count on me. And you were right. God knows you were right. You were right there in front of me, and I couldn't see you. I refused to see you. And this wasn't the first time, was it? You've been standing in front of me for 17 years and I've only seen what I wanted to see. The best friend who loves me. I almost got it when you started dating David. I was jealous. I thought it was just because he was trying to keep us apart. Then there was Ben. I really liked him, he was good to you. When Justin left, I pushed you away. You kept pushing back until Ben left. Then I left. I had to get out of here. Away from all the places that reminded me of Justin, but I didn't tell you that, did I? I just left. When I got back, I didn't notice that you weren't pushing anymore. Until tonight. I saw that dead look in your eyes and I died inside. I was so angry when I saw you in the backroom, then I saw the tracks. I told you once that you were strong enough for the both of us. I was right. But now, I have to be the strong one. Strong enough for both of us. While I was up on the roof, I finally saw you, all of you. And I love what I saw. I love you Mikey. Completely and forever. I will never love anyone else. I want to grow old with you by my side. I want to wake up next to you every morning, and go to sleep next to you every night. I love you Michael Charles Novotny."

Exhausted by the emotions of the evening, Brian fell asleep. He never felt Michael run his hand over his arm, he never heard the soft voice whisper, "I love you too, Brian Kinney."

A few hours later, a nurse came in to check Michael's vitals. Brian woke up the minute her feet crossed the threshold, smiling at the sight that greeted her. She noticed that Brian's eyes followed her as she did her job. "He still doing ok?" She was startled by the soft whisper.

"He's fine. Just routine stuff, he won't even know I was here. Do you need another pillow, maybe a blanket?" Brian thought about it for a minute.

"That would be great."

"I'll get someone to bring one in for you. You know, you two make a beautiful couple."

Brian blushed. "Thank you."

Brian drifted off to sleep again. He vaguely felt someone add a pillow under his head and spread a blanket over the two of them. Then he felt someone move the hair out of his eyes, and kiss his forehead. He looked, it was Debbie. It was nice to have a mother.

*****

Doctor Forbes walked into the room the next morning on rounds. Michael and Brian were lying in bed, just looking at each other as if they were the only two people in the world. Not a word was spoken between them, but volumes were being said. "I hate to break this up, but Brian Kinney, what the hell are you doing in that bed with my patient?" Her voice sounded firm, but she was secretly pleased. Michael would need all the love and support he could get in the coming days.

Brian and Michael giggled. "Sorry doc. He just looked so cute last night that I couldn't help myself. I'll get up." Brian kissed Michael on the forehead and eased away from Michael. The loss of contact was almost physically painful. "Besides, I think there are a few people who want to talk to you."

Brian had no trouble reading the panic in Michael's eyes. He leaned down and whispered, "It's ok. They were all here last night. They know." The panic subsided and Michael smiled. "I'm going to get some coffee while the doctor examines you. I'll be right back with some company for you and I'll send your mom in."

Michael was grateful for Brian's support. Having a large chunk of time missing was the scariest thing he'd ever experienced. He was glad be had certain memories though. He was glad that he remembered that Ben was gone, even if he didn't like thinking about the reason. He was also glad that he remembered that he'd made up with boy wonder. God that was funny. He wondered if he would still get free drinks at Woody's because of it. Lost in his thoughts, he didn't notice his mother and Justin walk in to the room.

"Michael." Oh boy was he in for it now.

Sheepishly, he said, "Hi Mom." He flashed her his best smile, the one that had always gotten him out of trouble in the past.

"Don't smile at me like that young man." Michael wiped the smile off his face. His mother looked like she had so much she wanted to ask, but couldn't because Michael didn't remember the answers. Deb walked over and hugged her son. "I love you, you little shit."

"I love you too Ma." He started gasping. "Hey mom, I'm not going anywhere this time, you can let go. Hey Boy Wonder, help me get this crazy woman off me." Justin laughed. 

"No way. I've had to deal with her all night. It's your turn." The words were light, but the meaning was clear. Michael would just have to suffer. He'd put his mother through hell, and although he couldn't remember it, he'd still have to endure the consequences. Justin walked around to the other side of the bed, and leaned over and whispered in Michael's ear. Whatever he said caused Michael to start giggling.

Outside Michael's room, Brian listened to that laugh. The laugh he hadn't heard in so long and thought he might never hear again. Tears began to fall.

"Oh sweetie, you finally figured it out." Embarrassed at being caught, especially by Emmett, Brian wiped his eyes before turning around.

"Figured what out?" Brian didn't know why he bothered denying it, habit probably. That and the sheer fun of getting Emmett worked up.

"Honey. You are madly, passionately in love with that man. When are you going to tell him?"

Brian sighed. That was the problem with friends you've had for so long. You couldn't just tell them to fuck off. Well, he could, but he could use Emmett's advice. "Not for a while. He can't remember the last five months. It wouldn't be fair to him to change our relationship when he can't remember what I did." 

"And if he never remembers? Are you going to stay quiet forever? Because that's not fair to him either." Emmett voiced Brian's fears. What if Michael never remembered? Could they build a relationship?

"I don't know. I'm just taking this one day at a time." Brian kept his eyes on the door to Michael's room. When Dr Forbes walked out, he excused himself from Emmett and walked over to her. "Dr Forbes?" 

She smiled. God this man was gorgeous. Maybe it was a good thing he was gay. She didn't think the female hearts of Pittsburgh could handle the strain. "Yes, Brian?"

"How is he?"

"Like I told you last night, physically he's fine. He'll be able to go home tomorrow." Brian let out the breath he hadn't realized he was holding. "Emotionally, I'm not sure. I think it'll take a couple of days for things to sink in. Has he asked about the missing time?"

"No, he fell asleep almost as soon as he saw me last night, and you woke us up this morning. I don't know what he's asking his mom and Justin. But I doubt he's asking them much. He'll probably save his questions for me." And that was a conversation he would much rather put off, preferably forever.

"Remember, be honest, but only give as many details as he asks for. I'll see you two in the morning I'm sure. I gave permission for you and his mother to stay with him around the clock, but I want the rest of the tribe out of here tonight. Michael needs his rest."

Brian smiled. "Ok, but you have to tell the tribe they can't stay. I'm not losing body parts." He wondered who would win that fight. He thanked the doctor and went back into Michael's room. Deb and Justin had been joined by Ted and Emmett. Michael was laughing at some story Emmett was telling, but Brian could see the confusion and exhaustion in his eyes.

"Ok. Michael needs his rest. Some of you are going to have to leave. Deb, you stay here while I walk the three juvenile delinquents out." Ted, Emmett, and Justin all kissed Michael and hugged Deb on their way out.

"Brian, we let you hurry us out of there, but we aren't leaving." Justin waited until they were down the hall from Michael's room before making the announcement. "You and Deb aren't going to be able to be here 24 hours a day."

"He's being released tomorrow. And you don't have to leave permanently, Michael just needs his rest and I have some favors to ask you guys, ok?"

"Ok." Justin looked at Brian. He looked better this morning. Sleeping next to Michael all night had obviously helped. He'd peeked in on Michael last night and was amazed at the sight of him and Brian all cuddled together in a very small bed. He could almost imagine that's what they had looked like when they were 14. "What can we do?"

"Justin, can you and Vic take care of the shop for a while?"

"I can't answer for Vic, but there's no problem for me, I can work at the shop pretty easily." In fact, he saw some interesting people when he was at the shop, great inspiration.

"Ok, if Vic can't do it, or if there's ever a time when one of you can't be there, let me know. We can close the store if we have to. Emmett, could you get Michael and me some clothes and pick up my jeep, I think it's still at Babylon." He reached into his pocket. "Here are my keys. And let Ted drive. I've seen you behind the wheel."

"Sure honey." Wow, being let into Brian's secret lair might be interesting.

Brian hugged Emmett and whispered in his ear, "And no fucking Ted on my bed."

Emmett whispered back, "How about in the shower?"

Brian laughed. A full laugh that had been missing in the last 24 hours. God he loved Emmett. "Ah fuck, go ahead, have fun." He then turned to Ted, "After you and Emmett get done at my place," Emmett giggled. "Quiet. Anyway, could you stop by the diner and get food for everyone?"

"Sure. Anything else?"

"Shit. Yes, could you bring me my laptop?" Brian had some work that he would have to get done before taking time off, and since Michael was in the hospital, now would be as good a time as any. "Now, run along children. You have chores to do." Brian hugged the men who were his closest friends. He never would have made it through this without them. "Love you guys." Brian walked away before the guys could recover enough to say anything. 

The last thing he heard before he went back into Michael's room was Ted, "Who was that? Are we sure that was Brian?"

He was still laughing when he walked back into Michael's room. "What's so funny?" Debbie appeared a lot more relaxed than she had been. Obviously talking to Michael was helping.

"Just the boys. They are running some errands for me. They'll be back later with some food." Brian looked into the face of the woman who had taken him into her heart. Despite the relaxation, she still looked tired. "Why don't you go home, take a nap, and a shower? Update Vic on our Mikey boy here."

Debbie looked from Michael to Brian. Obviously, Brian wanted some private time with Michael. He'd gotten rid of everyone else so quietly and efficiently that she knew that no one else had a clue they'd been maneuvered into doing what he wanted them to. "Ok, I get the hint. I'll be back soon. Now remember that Michael's still recovering. No hanky panky in the hospital bed."

Michael blushed, that beautiful shade of pink that never failed to arouse Brian. "Ah, Mom." Debbie just laughed, hugged and kissed them both, and left. Brian closed the door behind her.

"Alone at last." Brian walked over to Michael's bed and sat on the edge, looking down at him.

Michael was flustered. He remembered Brian's speech from the night before. He just didn't know how much was Brian's guilt and how much was Brian's true feelings. After Justin was bashed, Brian had moved him in with him, mostly out of guilt. Michael didn't want a relationship founded on guilt no matter how it ended up. "Brian, what happened? I can't ask anyone else, and I know you won't lie to me." Michael had to know.

Brian sighed. He'd known that when he got rid of everyone, he and Michael would have to talk. He took hold of Michael's hand. "Why don't you tell me what you remember first of all?"

"I remember Justin leaving at the Rage party. You got hammered. I'd never seen you like that, even after your dad died. I took you home. I started spending a lot of time with you, making sure that you didn't completely self-destruct. I know you were getting annoyed, but I couldn't leave you by yourself, which is what you wanted." Michael took a deep breath. This is where it got hard. It felt like Ben had just left. "About a month after the party, Ben and I had a fight. He accused me of not caring about him. Then, he.. he..." Michael broke down.

Filling in the blanks, Brain could see what had happened. "Then he left."

Michael's brown eyes looked up at him. "No, worse. He accused me of sleeping with you and then he said that if we were having sex, then it was just pity and desperation on your part. Then he said that since I'd finally gotten what I wanted, there was no reason for him to stick around anymore and he was leaving first thing in the morning for Tibet, and would I please get the fuck out of his apartment." Michael's tears flowed. Brian had overestimated the professor. He had thought that Ben understood Michael's large heart.

He pulled Michael into his arms. "Oh honey. It's ok. He didn't understand or deserve you." He held Michael while he cried over another man.

When Michael's tears tapered off, Brian handed him a tissue. "Feel better?"

"I feel like an idiot. Crying over him."

"Mikey, you loved him. That's your problem, you love too much. David, Ben, me. None of us are worthy of you." Michael's eyes truly were the window to his soul. Brian could see the confusion and hope in his eyes. "Is that all you remember?"

Michael concentrated for a minute. "I remember leaving his apartment, heading for your place. That's the last thing I remember. What happened after that?"

This was the part that Brian wasn't looking forward to. But he'd been Michael's best friend for too long to lie to him now.

"Ok, but I won't come off well. I didn't know you and Ben had a fight. I left town that same day. I was gone for two weeks. The first day, Cynthia said you called, after that, nothing. When I got back, I found out that no one had seen you for almost the entire time I was gone. I went to your place and pounded on the door until you let me in. We talked, you seemed sad, but ok. So, even when you started breaking our dates, not taking my phone calls, I thought you just needed time. Then I started getting pissed. You were shutting me out and I didn't know how to get back in. Then last night I found you in the backroom of Babylon high on E with a needle in your arm." Brian's voice never changed tone. If he'd shown any emotion at all, he would have broken down, and he had to be the strong one, he couldn't look to Michael for his strength.

"Brian, I'm an adult. I made my own choices. I can't remember why I made them, but I'm sure they seemed like a good idea at the time." Michael was still confused. He hadn't fallen apart when he and David broke up and Brian had been preoccupied with Justin's recovery. Why this time? Something wasn't adding up here. "Brian. Look at me." Brian's hazel eyes met Michael's brown ones. "Do you know anything about what happened?"

"No." Michael could tell by Brian's unflinching gaze that he was telling the truth. 

"Shit. Something just doesn't make sense. I have other friends. Justin and I were even getting along by then. Why did I turn to drugs rather than them?"

"I don't know Mikey. The doctor said that she thinks your amnesia is psychological. She thinks that something happened to you that night and you are pushing it all down so you don't have to deal with it."

Michael still held Brian's eyes. It was time. He had to know if what Brian felt was real. 

"I do remember something from last night."

"Really? What?"

"You."

"What about me?" Brian hoped it wasn't what he's said at Babylon.

"I think it was a dream. I remember you telling me that you loved me in a forever kind of way." Michael's chocolate brown eyes filled with tears. "Was I dreaming Brian?"

Brian let his eyes fill with all the emotion and love he'd bottled up for 17 years. "No Mikey. You weren't dreaming." 

 

"I love you too, Brian. Always have, always will."

Brian leaned down to kiss Michael. Gently at first, just a touching of lips. Brian nibbled on Michael's lower lip, softly and tenderly. Then, a gentle, caressing meeting of tongues before the passion made gentleness impossible. Brian took Michael's mouth hungrily. He demanded and Michael responded with demands of his own. One hand moved to hold the back of Michael's head and the other caressed his chest. He felt Michael's hands on his chest, then a shove. He landed on his ass on the floor.

"Shit Mikey-" Any further comment was halted by the look of fear in Michael's eyes. "Mikey?" Brian's voice was soft. Michael was crying. "What's wrong Mikey?"

"I don't know. When you touched me, I suddenly felt trapped, like I couldn't breathe." Michael's fear was replaced by embarrassment. "You ok, Brian?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just glad no one was here to see me land on my ass. Hey Mikey, it's ok. The only thing damaged is my ego, and that's large enough to take a few bumps." Brian walked over to Michael's side. He gently took Michael's face in his hands and kissed his lips softly. "We were moving a little fast anyway. It will be ok. I love you, remember?"

Michael yawned. "Sorry. I'm still a little tired."

"It's ok. You go to sleep. I'll still be here."

"Will you hold me while I sleep?"

"Always." Brian lay down next to Michael and pulled him into his arms. He fell asleep, still holding Michael.

A scream woke Brian up. The man in his arms was thrashing about, screaming. "NO! Help! BRIAN!!!!!"

"Shit. Mikey, wake up, I'm here." Using lessons learned from Justin's nightmares, he calmly talked until Michael quieted down. When a nurse came in to check on the screaming, Brian threw her out. "Get out. I'll deal with this. Keep everyone out of here." He turned back to Michael. "Shhh. It's ok. I'm here, Mikey." Brian had no idea how much time passed before Michael settled down into a deep sleep. Brian was too wound up to sleep. Something terrible had happened to Michael and someone was going to answer to him for it.

By the time Michael woke up, Brian's anger had faded to pain. Whatever occurred that night was his fault. If he had been home, or if Michael had been able to find him, it wouldn't have happened. But his feelings were not important. Michael's were. And somehow, he had to help him.

"Morning, Brian." There was no trace of the nightmare in Michael's eyes.

Brian leaned over and kissed Michael. "It's not morning. How are you feeling?"

"Fine. I love you." Brian immediately perked up. Michael obviously didn't remember the nightmare and he wasn't about to remind him.

"I love you, too." 

"Well, it's about time." A third voice in a room with only two people seemed out of place. Two heads turned toward the door. It was Justin. "I see it didn't take him long to confess once he figured it out." He walked over to Michael's side. "How are you feeling?"

"A little confused, but happy. I'm still not sure how I ended up in this mess." 

"What, in love with Brian? I can't understand that either." Justin's levity was just what everyone needed. They were still laughing when Deb came in. Debbie felt the new air between her son and Brian as soon as she walked in. Deciding to let them tell her in her own way, she turned to Justin first.

"Hey Sunshine. Did you get any rest?" She embraced Brian and Justin, then hugged Michael.

"Yes Deb." Justin looked at his second mother. She may exasperate him sometimes, but without Deb, there was no telling what would have happened to him. "I called my mom. She's going to come up in a little while." Deb and Jennifer had become close and Justin knew that Deb needed someone to lean on who knew some of what she was going through.

"Thanks." Deb turned to watch Michael and Brian. "How are you feeling, Michael? Have you rested?"

"Yes, Mother. I'm going to be fine. Well, except for this annoying memory loss. And this six foot appendage I seem to have acquired." He looked at Brian and winked.

"Well the memory loss is supposed to be temporary, but I think you are stuck with the extra appendage."

"For the rest of his life." Brian smiled at Michael and then kissed him.

Deb hid her joy at this new development. She had to twist the knife a little or she wouldn't be Deb. "Is that your way of trying to tell me something?"

Brian looked at Debbie. "I love your son. I always have and I always will. I can't promise that I won't hurt him again, but I will never do it on purpose."

Debbie appreciated that Brian didn't promise not to hurt Michael again. She wouldn't have believed him if he had. No one could promise that. With tears streaming down her cheeks, she embraced him and said. "Thank you for the honesty. And I know you love him, just take care of him."

A sniffle from the doorway alerted the addition of more to the growing crowd in the room. "Oh, that was beautiful." Emmett was bawling worse than Deb.

Brian laughed, "What a drama queen. You wanted me to tell him, so I did."

Emmett ran into the room, followed by Ted, Melanie, Lindsey and Vic. He hugged Michael and whispered in his ear, "Congratulations honey."

Michael smiled. His family surrounded him. Could life get any better?

An hour later, Michael was beginning to tire. He loved his family, but sometimes they could be a bit much. And it didn't help that everyone was avoiding the pink elephant in the room, his drug overdose. Brian noticed the weariness and started herding everyone out the door.

"Ok, everyone out. Michael needs a nap." Brian's announcement was met with grumbling, but everyone left.

"Justin, Emmett, would you stay a minute?" Michael asked. He motioned Emmett over and whispered in his ear. Emmett nodded.

"Brian, you need to get out of here for a while. Let's go for a walk." Emmett turned to Brian. 

"No."

"Yes." Emmett wasn't taking no for an answer. Michael wanted to talk to Justin alone so Emmett pushed Brian out the door. "He'll be fine. He just wants to talk to Justin."

Michael and Justin sat in silence for a minute. "Ok Michael. What do you want to talk to me about?"

"Direct and to the point, I knew I liked you for a reason." Michael smiled. "Continue with that and tell me what you know. Quickly, before Brian gets away from Emmett."

"I don't know much. After you and I made up, we still worked on Rage, but we were having problems finding stories that we could agree on. You disappeared for two weeks after Ben left. Vic and I ran the store the best we could. We were about to close down the store until we could find you when Brian came home and then you showed up. You were there, but not there. Anyway, I left about 2 months ago for a tour of Italy with Ethan. I just got back yesterday. I saw you at your Mom's and told you that Ethan and I had broken up. You seemed upset by that for some reason. You kept muttering about it being all for nothing. I met up with Ted and Emmett at Babylon. We couldn't talk there so we left. We'd just sat down at the diner when we got Brian's call."

Michael had been quiet during Justin's story. "You said that I was there, but not there. What did you mean by that?" Michael knew that he should be patient and wait for his memory to return, but he was too confused by his behavior. He needed to know.

"Looking back, you were high all the time. But at the time, I just thought you were depressed. You were sort of sleepwalking through your days. I wish--" Justin broke of. There were a lot of things he wished. None of them would come true. 

"Justin, like I told Brian. I am an adult. I made bad decisions, but they are MY bad decisions. None of this is your fault." Typical Michael. He was the one recovering from a drug overdose with a gap in his memory, and he was comforting other people.

"You just don't give up do you?"

"That's how I got you to talk to me that night at Woody's isn't it?"

"No, that was a lot of beer, a very loud argument, and a cat fight that they are still talking about." Justin laughed. The memory of that night kept him going on dark nights when he was lonely. It reminded him that he had at least one friend who would fight to remain part of his life.

"They're still talking about it? That's good to know." Michael studied Justin for a minute. He used to hate him. It had felt like Justin was moving him out of his life. He wasn't sure when his feelings for him had changed. But they had, now he was a member of his family. But he had to know, "Justin, are you ok with Brian and I?"

"Michael, I'm the one who forced him to see how he felt about you. Be happy and I'll be happy." Justin leaned over and kissed Michael. Just a quick kiss, full of Justin's laughter and sunshine.

Smiling, Michael said, "Love you, Boy Wonder."

"Love you, Michael." They sat in silence, comfortable in the friendship they had forged through jealousies, fights, and making up. Justin held Michael's hand as he drifted off to sleep.

"BRIAN!!!!! Help me." The scream jerked Justin out of the daydream he'd been having about a male nurse he'd seen walking down the hall. Shit. Acting on instinct, he pulled Michael into his arms.

"It's ok. He'll be here." Justin rocked Michael, whispering soothing words. It wasn't helping. Michael was still calling for Brian. A nurse came in, followed quickly by Brian.

"Fuck, I knew I shouldn't have left him." Brian took Michael from Justin. Almost immediately, Michael's breathing eased. "It's ok. I love you." He held Michael while Justin watched helplessly.

"Let me give him something to help him sleep." The nurse who had come in with Brian spoke.

Never taking his eyes of Michael, Justin said quietly, "No. He'll be ok now." Remembering how he'd felt, Justin knew that drugs weren't the answer, Brian was. Justin told the nurse to leave.

Michael fell back into a deep sleep. Brian eased him back into bed, still holding him. Looking at Justin for the first time, he said. "He won't remember."

"This isn't his first one then."

"No. He had one earlier." Brian ran his hand over his face. "God Justin. What happened to him?"

"I don't know, but we'll find out." Brian liked hearing 'we' from Justin. He had to be strong for Michael, but hopefully, Justin could help.

"You are a good man, Justin. Michael's lucky to have you as his friend."

"I'm your friend too, Brian, don't forget that."

"I won't." God, he was tired. Brian's eyes started drifting shut. As he fell asleep, Justin threw the blanket over him.

When Brian woke up an hour later, Justin was still there. "Feel better?"

"Yeah. How long was I asleep?"

"About an hour. Do you want me to stay with him while you grab a shower?" Brian was beginning to look like he'd worn the same clothes for 2 days, which he had.

"No, what if he has another nightmare?"

"Brian, you will be five feet away. You really need to take a shower, you look like you're 40." That did it. Appealing to Brian's vanity always worked. He hated looking his age, much less any older.

"You'll let him know where I am? And call me if he needs me?"

"Yes Brian. Now, go. I can watch over Michael for you for a few minutes." Justin smiled as Brian picked up his bag and headed into the bathroom.

"That man will be the death of me." Michael laughed as the bathroom door shut. 

"You heard?"

"I've been awake for a while. I was just enjoying the peace." Michael looked at Justin. "Now, what's this about me having nightmares? I don't remember any nightmares."

Justin looked uncertain. He knew that Brian wanted to protect Michael, but he couldn't protect him from the demons in his head. Michael deserved to know the truth. "You were screaming for Brian to help you. I tried to calm you down, but the only thing that helped was Brian holding you. You went back to sleep, never fully waking up."

"I wonder what that was about."

Justin thought for a minute. Then making a decision, he said, "I think it was about whatever it was that happened to you the night Ben left. It wasn't your first nightmare. Brian says you had one earlier too."

Michael looked at Justin, fear shuttering his eyes. "Is it a good thing that I can't remember them?"

Thinking back on his own experiences, Justin cautiously said, "I'm not sure. I think that as you get stronger, your mind will allow you to remember more as it thinks you can handle it."

"Thank you, Justin." Listening to the shower turn off, Michael said, "Don't tell Brian you told me. Let him think he's protecting me. It makes him feel useful."

"Like I want him mad at me. Now, let me tell you about this nurse I saw earlier." Leaning in, Justin began spinning a tale about the nurse he'd been dreaming about earlier. When Brian came out of the bathroom, he leaned against the doorway.

"When did you two turn into a bunch of gossiping women?" Two heads, on blond, one brunette, turned to him and burst into laughter. "What have you been saying about me?"

Justin giggled. "Nothing." Brian walked over to the small table in the corner of the room where his laptop sat.

"Hey sunshine, can you keep Michael company while I get some work done?"

"Why don't you go into the office?" Michael was starting to feel a little smothered. 

"Because it's Sunday." Brian didn't explain the rest of his reasons, that he was taking time off to help with Michael's recovery.

"Fine. I'll talk to Justin." He turned to Justin. "Unless you have someplace to be?"

"Nope, I am free all day." So, while Brian worked, Michael and Justin talked. Justin filled Michael in on his love life, or lack there of. Hours passed. Ted, Emmett, Vic, and Deb came by, each staying about an hour before Brian threw them out. The only one allowed unlimited access was Justin. He provided strength for Brian, while Brian provided strength for Michael.

Finally, Brian threw Justin out as well. "Ok sunshine. I want some time alone with Michael. The doctor said that his mother and I could stay tonight, but the rest of you have to leave."

Justin laughed. "Yeah, she told us. We argued with her. You know, that doctor is stubborn."

"So, who won?"

"Four to one and you have to ask? We'll be back in the morning." Even out numbered, the doctor had managed to throw everyone out. "I'll see if I can get Deb to go home as well. I don't think you guys want to be interrupted tonight." 

"Thanks. I love you, sunshine." Brian surprised himself by saying it.

"Oh great. We have to break up for you to tell me you love me. What a life." Smiling, Justin kissed Michael, then Brian. "I'll see you in the morning."

Justin left them alone, closing the door behind him. Before the door could close all the way, Debbie came in. "I'm not staying. I just wanted to tell my boys goodnight." She walked over to Michael's bed. He looked so frail and worn out. Hopefully, he'd get some rest.

"I love you, Michael." She hugged him as best she could.

"Love you too, Ma." Michael watched in amusement as his mother hugged Brian.

"And I love you too, you little asshole.," She watched as emotions swept over his face.

"I love you Deb." The words were soft, but heartfelt. For the first time, he acknowledged out loud that he loved this woman who had been more of a mother to him than the woman who'd given birth to him.

Crying, Debbie hugged Brian again. "I'll let you two be alone, but remember, he's recovering, so behave yourselves. If that's possible." Brian watched her leave the room, closing the door behind her.

Brian turned to Michael. "Alone at last." He walked over to the bed and climbed in next to Michael. "The doctor said that she'll spring you tomorrow."

Michael smiled. Even with all the shit going on in his life, he'd never been happier. Except, "Brian?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you really love me?"

"What?" Brian looked down into dark brown eyes clouded with anxiety. "Of course I do. What's this about?"

Hesitantly, Michael confessed his fears. "I just remember that you took Justin in after he was bashed, mainly out of guilt. I know that you two made a relationship, but....."

"Oh, Mikey. It is not guilt talking. I love you. And I loved you before this happened. Ask anyone. They all saw it, even when I refused to." Brian pulled Michael closer. "I love you."

"I love you too. I guess it's just that I've loved you for so long. It would hurt too much if you decided that it wasn't real for you."

"It is very real, and I will spend the rest of my life proving it." Remembering Michael's earlier reactions, Brian leaned down and kissed him. The kiss was passionate, the pent up emotions of 17 years would not allow anything less, but Brian kept his arms wrapped loosely around Michael. No pressure.

When the kiss ended, they were both breathing heavily. Leaning back on the bed, Michael settled into Brian's arms. "Wow! I can't wait until we get out of here and try that when we can do something about it."

Brian sighed. He didn't think it would be that easy. He remembered Justin's problems with intimacy after the bashing. "Neither can I. Speaking of you getting out of here, I want you to stay with me."

"Brian, I'll be fine at my place." Michael wanted to stay with Brian, but he didn't want it to be out of guilt.

"It's not a guilt thing. Didn't I say that I wanted to wake up next to you for the rest of my life?"

"I seem to recall you saying something like that while you thought I was asleep."

Laughing, Brian said, "So you know I meant it. I don't want to wake up another morning without you by my side. I want to fall asleep with you in my arms."

"Ok. I'll stay with you, at least for a while."

Brian sighed. Michael was going to drive him insane. But, that was Michael. Until he felt sure of him, he wouldn't move in permanently. And he might never move into the loft. There was too much history there.

"Ok. For a while."

Since they were talking so openly, Michael figured that he should get all his worries out in the open. "Bri, you do know that I won't take a relationship like the one you had with Justin, don't you?"

"Yes, Mikey. I would never hurt you that way. Our relationship is not the same as the one I had with Justin. We are forever." Brian smiled. "Now, quit worrying and go to sleep. I love you."

"Don't leave me."

"Never." And he didn't. Brian held Michael all night. Michael once again had a screaming nightmare. Obviously, the nurses has spread the word, they weren't disturbed.

Brian fell asleep holding the man he loved tightly in his arms. He would never let him go again.

 

"Damn it Brian. Quit smothering me." Michael's voice echoed through the loft. They'd only been here for two hours and he was ready to strangle Brian. 

"Mikey."

"Don't you 'Mikey' me. You haven't been five feet away from me for three days."

Brian flushed. He knew that he had to give Michael some space, but it was hard. "Excuse me for loving you." He tried hard to keep his voice calm.

Trying to keep a straight face, Michael said, "You are such a drama princess. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom."

Brian's gaze followed Michael. Michael was beginning to get testy with him. He didn't know if that was a good thing or not. It didn't help that he'd had to throw everyone else out. When Michael had been released, everyone had hovered until Brian put his foot down. He'd finally gotten rid of the last one fifteen minutes earlier.

Brian sat down on the couch to wait for Michael. Flipping through the channels, he smiled. Dirty Dancing was on, but he didn't stop. He didn't think they were ready for that. Finally he stopped at Bugs Bunny. That should be harmless enough.

The sound of things falling sent Brian running into the bathroom. "Mikey."

Pale and shaking, Michael was leaning on the counter for support. He had knocked over the cologne bottles on the sink.

"It's ok, Mikey. I'm here."

"Go to hell. Did I say I wanted your help?"

"Yes you did. Now, do you need help getting to the bed?" Brian kept his tone even. 

"Fuck off." Michael took one step and collapsed in Brian's arms.

"Michael, what the hell has gotten into you?" Letting Michael lean on him, they made their way to the bedroom. Michael shoved Brian away.

"I can walk by myself. I don't need you." Michael swayed on his feet. He closed his eyes in an attempt to steady himself.

"I can see that." Brian couldn't keep the sarcasm out of his voice and even though he knew the words were a lie, they still hurt. He needed Michael to need him. "Now, quit being a drama princess and let me help you."

Michael opened his eyes. Brian had moved in front of him. "I thought I told you to fuck off." Michael's good mood was quickly disappearing. "I don't need your pity or guilt."

"Damn it Michael. How many times have you done the same for me when I was too drunk or high to walk? I thought we were supposed to be in this together."

"But I screwed up much worse than you ever did. You never ended up in the backroom of Babylon with a needle in your arm. You never lost the five months of your life that would let you know why you did something so monumentally stupid. You never lost someone you loved because you were making sure your best friend didn't self destruct, only to wind up self destructing yourself." Michael's eyes reflected the same wild hysteria that was creeping into his voice. Brian let him go. He hadn't started processing what had happened. "How can you love me? I'm a drug addict. And I have at least a year before I know for sure that I wasn't even stupider than I already know I was. Right now, I'm still negative, but who knows. I - I -" Michael's torrent of words stopped. Brian caught him as he collapsed in tears. Brian held Michael he wept.

Lowering himself to the floor with Michael still in his arms, Brian murmured, "I love you, Mikey. I love you."

How long they stayed that way, Brian couldn't tell. He just held the man he loved while the anger, frustration, shame, fear, and confusion poured out of him. As the tears subsided, Brian leaned down and kissed Michael gently. "Feeling better?" 

"No. I still feel like shit, only now I have a headache on top of it. And I feel like an idiot."

Brian wiped the tears from Michael's face. He hated seeing Michael's chocolate eyes hidden behind a sheen of water. "You aren't an idiot. You've been through a lot in the past few days. And I still love you."

Michael smiled the brilliant smile that always brought a sparkle and shimmer into Brian's days. "I love you, too." Michael still didn't understand how he'd fallen so far, or why Brian loved him, but he wasn't in the mood to analyze things right now. Being this close to Brian, knowing that Brian loved him, was making Michael think of other things.

Michael put his arms around Brian's neck and kissed him. Gently at first, then with all the love and passion that he'd been storing up. Brian responded with equal passion. How had they avoided this moment for so long? But even in the middle of the most mind-blowing kiss he'd ever experienced, Brian kept in mind that Michael was recovering and needed time and space.

"Michael, Mikey, oh god." Brian's good intentions were put to the test. Michael's hand had pushed his shirt up, uncovering his chest. With a teasing touch, Michael's hand began a slow migration south. A brush against Brian's nipples, a slight touch across his abdominal muscles. Brian's breathing became heavier. "Michael." Finally, Brian managed to regain enough control to stop him. "The bathroom floor is not where I want our first time to be. Let's go to bed."

Standing, Michael swayed again. "Shit."

Brian caught him before he fell. "It's ok. Just lean on me, we'll make it. But I don't think we're going to be doing anything athletic tonight." He felt Michael tense next to him. "But that's fine. You need your rest. We will have the rest of our lives to make wild, passionate love."

"I can't wait until I feel better. This is driving me crazy. I want you so much." The passion and longing behind those words almost made Brian forget his good intentions.

"Shit Mikey. Warn someone before you say things like that." Brian helped Michael to the bed.

Changing into a pair of sweats, Brian slid in next to Michael and wrapped his arms around the man he loved. "Now, what was that all about?"

"It was nothing." Now that the emotional storm was over, Michael was tired and he didn't want to talk about it. 

Brian wasn't letting Michael off the hook that easily. "Yes it was, now talk to me."

Sighing in resignation, Michael began to talk. "Ok. It's just that I'm so frustrated not remembering what happened. I can't imagine what happened to make me cut myself off from everyone who loves me. And Dr. Forbes says that it could be a year before we know if I'm positive or not. And you're here and you love me. It feels like I'm being rewarded for screwing up my life."

"Mikey, we will find out what happened to you and we will deal with it as we will with the HIV issue. I love you. I'm the one who doesn't deserve you.

But you love me anyway." Michael smiled at that, it was nice to see some of Brian's arrogance returning. "And I love you. So, as I figure it, we deserve each other. We've tried to love other people, and we keep coming back to each other. So, we're stuck with each other." Brian leaned down and kissed Michael softly. 

"When did you turn into such a romantic?" Michael smiled at the thought that the man who didn't do boyfriends or romance had turned into such a girl.

"It's not romantic." Brian disavowed the very idea. "It's just the truth. Now, if I said something like, 'We were made for each other' then that would be romantic and I'd deny thinking or saying any such thing." Brian smiled. Michael would get the idea, and he wouldn't have to say anything romantic.

*Message received* Michael thought. Brian may never publicly change his views on romance, but he was a romantic at heart. The last thoughts on Michael's mind as he drifted off to sleep were of Brian. "I love you."

"I love you, too." Brian held Michael as he slept. He knew that in an hour, Michael would wake up screaming from a nightmare he couldn't remember. Brian swore softly to himself. He needed to find out what happened to Michael. And Michael needed to remember.

~~~~~

The next week followed the same pattern. They didn't leave the loft for anything. Justin stopped by whenever he had a free hour; Debbie kept the food coming; Ted and Emmett brought cheer and comfort. Michael steadily improved. He took fewer naps, but his sleep was still plagued by nightmares. There were no more outbursts, Michael learned to talk about what was bothering him before he reached the boiling point. They had yet to make love. Everytime they started, Michael would react badly, pushing Brian away violently. Brian reassured Michael that they had plenty of time, so they decided to not try again until Michael had spent some time with his therapist. 

Then, a week after he'd overdosed in the backroom of Babylon, Michael was ready to face the world.

"Brian, I have to get out of here. I am going stir crazy looking at the same four walls." Michael was getting exasperated. He'd been having the same discussion with Brian for the past hour.

"You've only been out of the hospital for four days. You need time to recuperate." Brian was just as frustrated. He just wanted to keep Michael safe.

"Brian, you can't wrap me in cotton, put me on a shelf, and only take me down when you want to play with me. I have to start reclaiming my life. I have a shop to run."

"Justin and Vic are taking care of that."

"Yes they are, and they are doing a great job, but it is MY store. I miss it. I miss the diner." Michael had to make Brian see that while the impulse was nice, the over protectiveness had to stop. "Look, if you won't go with me, I'm sure that Justin will." That should do it.

"No he won't." 

"Are you sure about that?" Something in the way that Michael said that made Brian think that he'd already talked to Justin about it. "You are going into work Monday and he's going to be here with me. Now, would you rather be with me, watching over me, or would you rather be at work and not know what's going on?" 

Michael had him. "Ok. You play dirty, you know that?" Brian was anything but gracious about his defeat.

"Who do you think I learned that from?" As he spoke, Michael sat down and put on his shoes. He wasn't going to let Brian change his mind.

Brian made sure that he had his wallet, keys, and cell phone, and opened the front door. "Are you ready?"

Standing in the doorway with his hands in his pockets, Michael took a deep breath. "As ready as I'll ever be." He walked out the door. Brian followed. 

"Where do you want to go?" They sat in the jeep. Brian watched Michael for any sign that he needed to leave.

"The store." Brian drove in silence. He still thought this was a bad idea, especially when they got to the store and found that they would have to park two blocks away. Michael would have to walk down a crowded street.

"Brian, I'll be fine." Michael knew that Brian was thinking about Justin. Brian had told him about walking down the street with Justin after the bashing. It had been hard on both of them. "And you'll be here to hold my hand." 

Brian smiled as they left the jeep. This was their first public appearance since they'd become more than best friends. It would be interesting to see the reactions. The boys and Deb hadn't told anyone, saying that it was up to Michael and Brian to inform Pittsburgh that the "Stud of Liberty Avenue" was out of circulation.

"Mikey, are you sure about this?"

"For the 325,157th time, yes I'm sure." Michael wasn't kidding himself, he knew this wouldn't be easy, but it had to be done. Brian walked around the jeep and took Michael's hand.

"Just remember, no one can hurt you. I'll be here and it's only two blocks."

Holding tight to Brian's hand, Michael concentrated on keeping his eyes up. Even so, he was caught off guard when a brunette bumped into him. Michael turned to say something and stopped cold. That face, he knew that face. Suddenly, a flash of memory burned into Michael's brain. The brunette he'd seen was standing over him, saying "Take it bitch." Then the memory was gone as if it never happened. 

"Hey, you ok?" Brian's voice broke into Michael's thoughts.

"Fine. I thought I saw someone I knew. I was wrong." Michael didn't want to talk about his memory flash. Brian was likely to go after the guy and beat some answers out of him, and Michael couldn't handle that right now. Looking for something to distract Brian, Michael noticed that they had reached the shop. "Hey look. We made it. And I didn't fall apart."

"I'm proud of you." Brian leaned down and kissed Michael. It started off as a gentle kiss, but Michael quickly turned up the heat. The world contracted to just the two of them. No one else existed. Well, until someone said, "Get a room you two."

It was Vic, standing in the doorway to the shop. Brian smiled. "Now, why would we do that? I want to show off my honey."

Laughing, Michael released his hold on Brian. "How's it going Vic?" They walked into the shop. 

For the next two hours, Michael took care of business, ordering stock, dealing with a small delivery problem, and working on the books. He really needed to get someone to take over the books. He was starting to make a little money and his books didn't show any of it. Maybe Ted would do it as a sideline, or recommend someone.

Brian watched Michael. This had been good for Michael. He looked happier, more relaxed. He would have to see about getting him down here more often. He noticed that Michael was beginning to tire. "Ok Mikey. Time to go home. You need your rest." 

"Ok. Let's go." It was a sign of how tired he was that Michael didn't argue. "Vic, remember what I said about paying you. I won't do anything to put your disability benefits at risk, but you can't keep working here for nothing."

"Yes Michael." Vic had no intention of taking Michael's money, but he didn't want to start an argument right now. There would be plenty of time for that. "Take care of him, Brian."

"I will." They left the shop laughing. It had been a good day.

~~~~ 

Walking into the loft, Brian smiled. "I thought I took your keys away from you." Justin was sitting on the couch watching the Powerpuff Girls. 

"Nope."

"I knew there was something I was forgetting to do."

Michael watched the teasing between Justin and Brian with happiness. He was glad that they were still friends. He needed Justin in his life. Justin had been a source of great strength in the last week. Michael didn't know how Brian would have gotten through it without the younger man.

Justin turned to Michael. "So, how was your first day out?"

"Fine. I had to threaten him that I would go out with you if he didn't stop being so overprotective." Michael walked toward the bedroom as he talked. "I'll tell you all about it when I wake up. Being out was more exhausting than I counted on." Michael changed into a pair of sweat pants. "Brian, stay here and talk to Justin. I'll be ok." 

Brian stayed where he was. Michael would wake up in an hour, but until then, he would talk to Justin.

"Hey sunshine. How was your day?"

"It was fine. How long do we have to talk before the nightmare?"

"About an hour."

"Are they getting any better?"

"No. He still screams my name and he still doesn't remember them." Brian ran his hand over his face. "I don't know what to do. You remembered your nightmares, and I knew what happened to you. I could help you deal with it."

"From what I can tell, you're helping Michael just fine. You hold him when he wakes up screaming. You talk to him when he needs it." Justin smiled. Seeing Brian unsure of himself was a rarity. "And most of all, you love him. That will get him through anything." 

Justin and Brian sat and talked, both keeping an eye on the clock, marking time until Michael's next nightmare.

~~~ 

Michael tossed and turned. For once, he would remember his nightmare.

There are a few lamps burning in the room. My body feels leaden. How the hell did I get myself into this situation? Oh yeah, Brian and Ben. Well fuck them. What am I sitting in? It's not a chair. It feels like I'm hanging off the ground. Oh shit. It's a sling. Turning my head, I see a line of guys starting with a brunette. That's the brunette I saw on the sidewalk with Brian. What's going on? Then a voice. "Tell Brian not to fuck with me again." I know that voice, but I can't place it. Then the brunette moves toward me, unbuttoning his shirt as he comes closer. Oh fuck. "BRIAN!!!!!!!"

"BRIAN!!!" 

 

Michael was sitting straight up in bed when Brian reached his side. It had only been twenty minutes since Michael laid down. "Mikey, I'm here. It's ok." He pulled Michael into his arms.

Michael made a quick decision. He was going to pretend that he didn't remember the nightmare. The images were confusing and if it was actually a memory, there were things in it that he wasn't ready to tell Brian. If only he could remember where he'd heard that voice before.

Michael leaned into Brian's arms. It felt so good to be held by the man he loved. Michael's last thought as he drifted off to sleep was that he hoped the dream didn't mean what he thought it meant. It would kill Brian.

Brian was having thoughts of his own. He hadn't bought Michael's performance in front of the store earlier. Michael had remembered something. The shock on his face was too clear to be misread. And whatever he'd remembered has something to do with that brunette. Brian knew who he was. His name was Travis. He had a reputation for liking things a little too rough. And he had a thing for Michael. Brian had intercepted him several times, telling him that Michael wasn't interested in his kind of games and then, about a year ago, he'd interrupted one of Travis's games with an unwilling participant. Travis hadn't taken too kindly to that, or to being banned from Babylon. He'd sworn to get revenge.

Once Michael was asleep, Brian tiptoed back into the living room to talk to Justin.

"How's Michael?" Justin's voice was quiet.

"I think he's starting to remember. When we were out, he bumped into someone on the street. It was Travis."

Justin knew who Travis was. He'd helped Brian keep him away from Michael more than once. If whatever happened to Michael had anything to do with Travis, it wouldn't be good. "Is there anyway I can help?"

Brian smiled. "You are a good friend, Justin. And yes, I think there is a way you can help. Do you think you can find out what Travis has been up to, without him finding out?"

"Sure."

"How many people know that you and I are friends again?"

"Not too many. However, there have been rumors circulating that the Stud of Babylon and his trusty sidekick have figured out what everyone else has known for years. So, everyone would know that if you and Michael were together, you and I would have to work things out. Especially after the rather loud reconciliation Michael and I had at Woody's.

Justin smiled at the memory. Brian was struck again at the pure sunshine that radiated from Justin when he was happy. "Are you ever going to tell me the whole story about that? All I get is giggles and half-truths when I try to ask at Woody's."

"Nope. It's not just my story to tell. Maybe one day, Michael and I will tell you about it." Justin knew that he and Michael would have to tell Brian, just to put him out of his misery, but he hoped it wouldn't be soon. He liked having secrets with Michael.

"Tease. Ok. You check out Travis and all his slimy friends. I'll see what I can get out of Michael." Brian didn't understand why Michael wouldn't tell him that he was remembering things. Even with all they'd been through, they had always been able to tell each other everything.

Justin walked into the kitchen to get something to drink. "I'll be here bright and early Monday morning. And don't argue. You need to get out of here for a few hours and maybe I can talk to Michael. Maybe he'll tell me what he can't tell you."

Sighing, Brian agreed. "You're right. I hate that. But you'll tell me whatever he tells you?"

Conflicting loyalties waged a war in Justin's head. "If he asks me not to, I won't. But I won't offer not to tell you. I won't lie to him."

Brian was impressed with Justin's loyalty. "I wouldn't ask you to lie to him."

For the next couple of hours, Brian and Justin made plans on dealing with Travis and his friends. Then they moved on to talking about the changes in their lives, easing any remaining tension between them. They were laughing together when Michael walked in.

"Boy wonder, you aren't trying to steal my boyfriend back are you?" Michael's still sleepy voice was full of laughter.

"Why would I want him? He's much too old for me." Laughing, Justin looked at Brian, who looked wounded.

"Too old? I'll have you know that I am only 24." The combination of the arrogance in Brian's voice and the innocent look on his face had Justin and Michael rolling with laughter. The rest of the night passed in laughter and friendship as the three men forged bonds that would last a lifetime.

~~~~~

Monday Morning

Rushing to finishing getting ready for work, Brian paused to let Justin in. "Morning sunshine."

"Morning Brian. How's Michael this morning?" Justin put the bags he was carrying on the kitchen counter. Debbie had loaded him up with food for "her boys." She was convinced that left to their own devices, the three of them would starve.

"Not good. His nightmares seem to be getting worse. Afterwards, he shakes for an hour and then he's almost catatonic. Like he's in a trance. I wish he would talk to me about them." Brian hated feeling helpless. "God, I wish I didn't have to go in to work today."

"We'll be fine. We talked about this Saturday night. I'll call you immediately if Michael has a nightmare. Cynthia has been instructed to interrupt you at once if I call. We won't leave the apartment. We have work to do on Rage anyway. And I'll try to get Michael to talk to me. Did I leave anything out?" Justin made light of Brian's worry because he knew that if he showed the slightest concern, Brian would never leave. And Brian needed to get out of the house and deal with something other than Michael's problems for a few hours. And Michael needed a break from Brian's hovering. Their relationship was going to explode if something didn't happen soon. Michael would be starting therapy tomorrow, hopefully, that would help. 

"I know, I'm being overprotective." Brian sighed. He knew that he had to leave for Justin and Michael to have a chance to talk, but he didn't want to leave Michael. This would be the first time they'd been apart since Michael's overdose. Worse, it would be their first time apart since becoming partners. Partners. Funny how that word didn't scare him anymore. He was even thinking in terms of forever. And ways of publicly declaring his love for his best friend. Dear god, he'd turned into a lesbian. "But I love him, Justin. And I am so scared. I want to be able to fix his problems, and I know that I can't."

The love and anguish in Brian's voice said more about his inner turmoil than his words. Justin hoped that one day, he would find someone who would love him that much. "Is Michael awake?"

"Yes. I wouldn't leave without telling him goodbye. I can't." Brian's eyes lit up as he looked over at his bedroom door. Michael stood in the doorway. Obviously fresh from the shower, he wore only a pair of sweats.

"Yeah, I was sleeping soundly when he woke me up." Michael walked down the steps and over to the kitchen. "Looks like Mom sent over the entire menu." As he passed Brian, he gave him a soft, but passionate kiss. "Good morning."

"Morning Mikey." Brian's voice was rough with passion. "Are you going to be ok here without me?"

"I'll miss you terribly. But I'll be ok." Michael's voice echoed the passion in Brian's. "Now, shouldn't you be going? You are going to be late. And I'll never hear the end of it from Cynthia."

Signing with resignation, Brian agreed. "I know. I love you." He gently pulled Michael into his arms. Michael returned the embrace.

"I love you too." Michael always felt safer when he initiated anything physical, so Brian let him. Michael reached up and kissed Brian, softly at first, then with full passion. Even in the heat of the most passion he'd ever felt, Brian never forgot to be gentle. His arms never tightened around Michael. He kept the embrace loose. 

Michael knew what Brian was doing, and he was grateful. He hated that they'd been unable to make love. He wanted that closeness, that connection with the man he loved. He pulled away from Brian. Those eyes, he could spend hours looking into those eyes. Especially when they were filled with love and passion, as they were know.

"If I don't leave now, I'll never get out of here. Behave you two. I love you, Mikey." Brian grabbed his briefcase and left.

"Wow!" Justin had seen the love between Michael and Brian, but seeing the pure passion was something else.

Michael's face turned a dazzling shade of red. He'd forgotten that Justin was there. "Morning boy wonder."

"Morning Michael. Everyone should get that kind of send off." Justin loved seeing Michael blush. With Debbie as his mother, one would think it would be hard to embarrass him, but it was surprisingly easy.

"Shut up boy wonder." There was no heat in the words, just affection.

"So, how did you sleep?"

"No subtlety to you, is there?" Michael had wondered how long it would take Justin to bring up the nightmares. He knew full well that Brian had asked Justin to talk to him. Maybe he should talk to Justin. It would have to be easier than telling Brian. The nightmares had indeed been getting worse, much worse. They were leaving him so shaken, that the only way to keep from telling Brian about them, was to shut himself down. And it was getting harder to do. "I'll tell you about the nightmares. And no, I won't ask you not to tell Brian. In fact, I want you to. I can't. I can't see his face when...." Michael trailed off.

Justin studied Michael's face. There were new shadows in his eyes and they were growing colder. Michael was obviously starting to shut down again. This time, Justin saw it coming and he would not let it happen. He would fight the dark places in Michael's soul with all the sunshine he could muster. "Do you want to eat first?" 

"No. I don't think my stomach could handle it." Michael walked over to the couch and sat down. Justin joined him.

"Are you sure you are up to this?"

"No, but I don't have a choice. I can't keep this bottled in. I could wait until my therapy appointment tomorrow, but I can't go through another night like last night." The pain in Michael's voice was heartbreaking.

"What happened last night?" Justin quietly encouraged Michael to continue.

"After the nightmare, I shook for over an hour. I couldn't stop. I could feel Brian's helplessness. I can't keep putting him through that."

"Why can't you talk to him about your nightmares? Which I am assuming you are remembering now." 

"Because he'll blame himself. Because he'll blame me." The quietness in Michael's voice tore at Justin.

"Tell me."

"Ok Justin. It started Saturday. I was walking down the street with Brian when I bumped into someone. I don't know who he was, but I got a flash of memory. It didn't make sense until I started remembering my nightmares, which I don't think are nightmares as much as memories. One minute I'm standing at Babylon, the next, I'm at some party. I think I'm high, because there are voices, but I can't make out the words. It sounds like bees buzzing. Occasionally, I can focus enough to understand what's being said. Something about the night's entertainment, and that everyone would get a shot. Didn't make any sense to me. Then, there are hands pushing me. Next thing I can remember is being naked in a sling. Then, the guy I saw on the street is standing in front of me. I look over and there is a line of guys, maybe 10 to 15 of them. Then I hear a voice. And this is part of what Brian will blame himself for. The voice says, 'tell Brian not to fuck with me again.' The brunette in front of me starts taking off his shirt, I start screaming Brian's name. The crowd starts laughing. I guess they knew what I didn't at the time, Brian was out of town. Then that voice again, 'Brian's not going to be able to save you. In fact, he's part of the reason you are here. Pass on the message that he shouldn't interfere. When he does, people he cares about get hurt." 

Michael couldn't stop. Now that he'd started, he had to finish. And as he talked, memories started flooding his mind. "The voice walked closer and I could see who it was. It was Sap. Then he turned to the guy in front of me, who'd stripped down to nothing. He laughed and said, 'You've always wanted him. You get him first. Be careful not to leave marks.' Then I noticed that the guy had a whip in his hands. At the first lash, I passed out. When I woke up, he was...... At least he used a condom and lube, but still, it was rough. I tried to struggle, but someone had tied my arms and legs, all I could do was endure." Michael was crying now. His eyes were locked inward, focused on the images that only he could see. "I kept passing out, so I'm not sure how many there were, or how long it lasted. More than one used whips. But it seemed that all of them had a grudge against Brian for something or another. Mostly former tricks who wanted more, I think. Sap stood by my head, and gave me a running commentary on it. He never gave me names. I don't know how I got home. I had bruises everywhere. Broken skin from the whips. There's no need to catalog the damage. But that's why I hid in my apartment for two weeks. That's how long it took for the ones on my face to disappear and the rest of my body to heal enough for me to move."

Justin sat in stunned silence. Tears streamed down his face. He had known that it had to be bad, but this was worse than anything he'd imagined, and it was going to kill Brian. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't know. I still don't remember why I was at that party. I remember feeling ashamed and I didn't want anyone to tell Brian. I think I was blaming him."

"Why? Because of what Sap was saying? Surely you don't believe him?"

"No. Because of a bunch of things. If he hadn't let you go. If he hadn't started falling apart. If he hadn't left. Nothing that was truly his fault. Except for letting you go." Michael tried to interject some levity into the room. 

"Well, that it his fault. But if you blame him, then you have to blame a lot of other people. You would have to blame me; for leaving Brian; for going on tour with Ethan. You would have to blame Ben for leaving. And it sounds like they were just waiting for the opportunity to get you."

"Yeah, I know. But after I stopped blaming him, it was too late. I was already using drugs to try to forget. And I knew that if I told him, he would go after Sap and anyone else he could identify. That was more than I could handle at the time." Michael remembered how lost he felt. How lost he still felt, now that he'd remembered most of what happened.

"Do you remember the night you overdosed?" Justin desperately wanted to know if Michael had been trying to kill himself that night.

"Yes. You had come in, and told me that you and Ethan had broken up. I knew, logically anyway, that he wasn't the reason you and Brian broke up, but my mind wasn't in control anymore. I can remember feeling that you and Brian were going to get back together and it was all for nothing. Than I was at Babylon. I was walking up behind Brian when he said that he'd had everyone there he wanted. The feeling of hurt that always accompanies his remarks was the last feeling I had. I couldn't deal anymore. I quit feeling anything." Then Michael answered the question he knew Justin wouldn't ask. "And yes Justin, I was trying to kill myself. I felt alone. And didn't want to continue." Michael knew that his words would hurt Justin, but he couldn't lie to him. 

Justin moved slowly toward Michael. "I'm so sorry Michael. I should have realized how bad things were. If Brian hadn't found you..." He couldn't continue. He placed his hand on Michael's arm, then slowly embraced his friend. They were both crying as they held on to each other. 

 

Several minutes passed. Then in a burst of maleness, Michael pulled away. "What are we, a couple of lesbians?" He walked over to the counter and grabbed the box of tissues. Sitting back down on the couch, he pulled a tissue from the box and handed the rest to Justin. Michael was surprised at how much better he felt after telling Justin. Just sharing his memories seemed to have decreased their hold on him.

"How are you feeling?" Justin was still trying to process everything Michael had just told him. He was glad that he hadn't promised not to tell Brian. Now if he could just figure out how to tell him without killing him.

"Better. It's like a weight has been lifted. I'm actually hungry. Let's dig into what mom sent." Michael moved into the kitchen. He knew that he and Justin had more to say, but he couldn't handle anything heavy right now.

Taking his cues from Michael, Justin kept it light. "If we eat all that, we are going to explode. I think your mother thinks that you and Brian are going to starve if she doesn't feed you."

Michael laughed. "She's probably right. You've lived with Brian. Who did most of the cooking?" 

"I did. I see your point. Since you don't cook either, you two are going to starve. Somebody should learn how to cook."

"I am unable to learn. My mom, Vic, David, and Ben all tried to teach me how to cook. It's a disgrace for my Italian mother that her son, her gay son at that, can barely boil water." Michael knew that he defied two stereotypes. Gay and Italian, and he still couldn't cook. "Looks like Brian's going to have to learn."

That sent Justin off in gales of laughter. The very idea of Brian Kinney learning to cook was hilarious. "Sure. I can see that. I think you two are going to be eating out a lot and ordering takeout."

It wasn't until about halfway through eating that Michael realized that he was still half-dressed. He walked into the bedroom and put a shirt on. Justin smiled. "You don't have to do that on my account."

Laughing, Michael said, "Yeah, but you never know when someone is going to stop by, and you know how rumors get started." As if to prove Michael's point, there was a knock at the door. It was Ted and Emmett.

"Sweetie." In a cloud of feathers, Emmett hugged Michael. Once again, Emmett had outdone himself. He was wearing a pink feather boa.

"Em, isn't it a little early in the day for a feather boa?" Michael pulled away from Emmett. "Even for you?"

"Honey, it's never too early for a feather boa. I just felt the need to add some glamour to my day." Standing behind Emmett, looking harassed and totally in love, was Ted. To look at them, you would never guess that they were a couple. Emmett's feather boa was matched by Ted's tasteful tie.

Ted laughed. "We decided to stop by 'cause we knew that Brian was at work. He would never stop riding Emmett about his boa."

Justin giggled, "And you think we will?" He was glad to see Ted and Emmett. He and Michael needed distractions from their earlier conversation and they were perfect.

For the next couple of hours, the four men talked and laughed. They discussed nothing of importance. However, at one point, Emmett pulled Justin away while Ted and Michael discussed the finances of the comic book store.

"What's up, Em?" Justin kept one eye on Michael, watching for signs that he was beginning to tire. 

"I found out some things about Travis." Emmett kept his voice low.

"What did you find out?"

"He's been laying low for about four or five months. No one knows why. People who have seen him say that he's acting paranoid, like he's expecting someone to come after him. And Saturday, it got worse. He was supposed to meet some people and he never showed. When they called him, he wouldn't answer the phone. He won't answer the door; he's barricaded himself in his apartment."

Justin smiled. Saturday would have been when Michael bumped into him. Travis must have noticed that Michael and Brian were now a couple. "Thanks Em. Did you happen to get his address?"

Emmett reached into his back pocket and pulled out a piece of paper. "Here it is, but I don't know why you want that lowlife's address."

"I have my reasons. I'll tell you when I can. Thank you so much Em, you have no idea how much this helps." Justin took the address from Emmett and put it in his back pocket.

They rejoined the other two and the conversation turned to the comic book. Emmett wanted a character. "Come on. Why not? I could be a hero, or even a villain." 

Michael and Justin exchanged looks. "We'll think about it." Michael conceded. It might be fun to try to fit the very three-dimensional Emmett into a two-dimensional world. At the very least, it would be challenging.

Michael yawned. He was getting tired. Before he said a word, Justin took action.

"Ok you two. Michael needs his rest. Out." Justin was polite but firm.

Emmett laughed. "Ok. We're going. Call us sweetheart, if you need anything." Emmett and Ted hugged Michael and Justin. Closing the door behind them, Justin turned to Michael.

"Take a nap. I'll clean up in here."

"I'm scared to go to sleep." The simple words revealed the depth of that fear.

Justin walked over to Michael. "You'll be fine. I'm here and if you have a nightmare, Brian is a phone call away." He checked his watch. "Or you can wait. Brian will be home in about 3 hours. We can work on turning Emmett into a comic book character."

Michael debated with himself. He hated feeling so scared. But, in the end, his fear won. "Let's try to turn Emmett into a two-dimensional character. We can sit on the couch and brainstorm."

Understanding Michael's decision, Justin moved to the couch. "Actually, his feather boa gave me an idea. Let me draw him first, then we can come up with a story line. I want Emmett to be a hero." Thinking of Emmett's efforts on Michael's behalf, Justin knew that Emmett was a true good guy.

"Think he could do battle with the evil professor?" Michael had a habit of turning his exes into bad guys. The evil chiropractor and now an evil professor.

Justin laughed. He was angry with Ben, but he knew what he'd been feeling. Being on the outside of the dynamic duo was painful at times. "Sure. But where are Rage and Zephyr? Hey, did we ever decide about moving them from friends to lovers?" They had been debating that issue for a week now.

Michael was torn. He would love to see Rage and Zephyr take the same step as he and Brian, but would it ruin the characters? Was the unresolved tension part of the success? "Let's move carefully. Test the waters by having JT find someone else."

They sat on the couch discussing Rage until Michael drifted off to sleep. Justin took the throw from the back of the couch and threw it over him. Keeping a watchful eye on Michael, Justin began sketching some of the ideas they'd come up with, starting with the Rainbow Warrior, Emmett's superhero alter ego. 

It was still an hour before Brian was expected home when Michael's nightmare started. Justin picked up the cell phone and dialed. "Cynthia, it's Justin. I need Brian immediately." As he spoke, Justin hurried to Michael's side. He pulled Michael into his arms. "Hold on, I'm getting Brian." He rocked Michael back and forth, murmuring comforting words.

Cynthia's voice on the other end of the phone was telling him that Brian had left the office twenty minutes earlier. Justin thanked her and hung up. He dialed Brian's cell phone. 

Brian walked through the door just as his cell phone started ringing. He dropped his briefcase. "Ah Mikey. You always did have perfect timing." He moved quickly to take Michael from Justin. "I'm here. It's ok."

Justin disconnected the call. He didn't know why Brian was home early, but he was glad to see him. Justin was surprised to see Michael's nightmare end quickly. It was a replay of the ones he'd had in the hospital.

Brian was surprised as well. He picked up a now sleeping Michael and carried him into the bedroom. He emerged a few minutes later, having changed into his jeans and a black tank top. "Justin, I don't know what you did, but thank you. He hasn't fallen back to sleep like that all weekend."

"All I did was listen." Justin was hesitant to say more. "And yes, I know what the nightmares are about, and yes I have permission to tell you. However, I don't know if he wants to be there or not. I don't think so, but I have to ask him first."

Brian looked at Justin. The young man was turning into a mind reader. "Justin, how did you know what I was going to say?"

Laughing, Justin replied, "I know you. Now, do you want to hear about the part of our day I can tell you about right now? It's a much more fun topic anyway." He walked over to the table and picked up the picture of the Rainbow Warrior. "What do you think? It's a new hero we've come up with. He's going to fight the evil professor who almost destroys Rage and Zephyr." Justin deliberately omitted who the hero was based on.

Brian looked at the picture. It was of a tall, thin man wearing a spandex rainbow outfit. And a pink feather boa. "He dresses like...." He trailed off as the physical resemblance struck him, "And looks like Emmett."

"Bingo. Emmett was here earlier. He was wearing a pink feather boa and asked us to make him a character. He didn't care if he was a hero, victim, or villain. But Michael and I decided that Emmett is hero material." Justin didn't mention the address in his pocket. That would remain a secret until after he'd told Brian everything. 

"Emmett, a hero?" Brian thought about it for a minute. "You're right. Emmett's definitely hero material. And this looks great. He's going to love it." He handed the picture back to Justin. "But you know, this means that you have to make a character of Ted. You can't leave him out."

Justin smiled. He had known that Brian would mention that. He might ride Ted about his age, and his lack of "cool," but Brian actually liked Ted. "We thought about that. We just can't come up with something. We don't want to make him a victim. That would just feed into Ted's low self-esteem. So, we're thinking, but we have time."

"Maybe I'll help. So what else did you do?" Brian moved to the couch, keeping an ear out for Michael.

Justin joined him on the couch. "Mainly worked on Rage, at least after Ted and Emmett left. We spent the morning talking, and then they showed up."

"Sounds like you got a lot of work done on Rage. What's this about an evil professor who almost kills Rage and Zephyr?" Brian got up and got a bottle of water and sat back down. 

"You know Michael. Ex-boyfriends become evil villains. But the professor doesn't almost kill them. He almost destroys their friendship, and with it, their powers. He doesn't start off evil; in fact, he seems like a good guy. He'll start subtly coming between them. They don't see it until it's almost too late. They need a third hero to fight the professor and to remind them of their friendship, that's the Rainbow Warrior, an old friend of theirs from school." Justin recapped the basic story for Brian. The story would fold out over several issues.

"And where is JT? Michael hasn't decided to kill him off, has he?" Brian was teasing. He knew that Michael had no problems with Justin anymore.

"No, but he and Rage go their separate ways. We are testing the waters." Justin and Michael hadn't talked about this around Brian, not wanting him to influence their decision one way or the other.

"Testing the waters for what?" 

"Getting Rage and Zephyr together."

"I would have figured that would be a given." Brian was confused. He had thought that the next issue of Rage would do just that.

"No. We've been hesitant about that. We would love to see it ourselves. But how many TV shows went south when the characters give in to the sexual tension? We don't want to see that happen with Rage. So, we move slowly." Justin tried to explain their fears in a way that would make sense to Brian.

"I guess that makes sense. I just want to see it. Just whatever you do, find an easier way to get Rage's attention."

"We will. And who knows, maybe it will be Zephyr who needs a wake up call." Justin teased Brian. 

"You know, I think I would like that." Brian liked the idea that his alter ego was smarter than he was. "He should learn from my mistakes."

Brian and Justin talked for an hour before Michael woke up. Justin met Michael's eyes. Messages were sent without a word being said. Justin knew that Michael had remembered more, and Michael knew that Justin hadn't told Brian yet.

Michael ran down the steps and threw himself into Brian's surprised lap. Brian's arms came up around Michael. "Hey, what's that for? Not that I am complaining." 

"I love you." Michael kissed Brian senseless. Brian immediately felt the difference in him. Michael wasn't holding back. His arms tightened around the man he loved, and Michael didn't resist. Brian's last conscious thought was 'thank you god.'

Justin grinned. He couldn't take his eyes off the picture his two friends made. The passionate aura that surrounded them was almost visible. By the time they finally broke apart, Justin's pants were getting tight.

Michael turned to look at Justin. And miracle of miracles, not a blush in sight. "Hey boy wonder." 

"Hey superman. I guess you're feeling ok." Justin's heart was lighter than it had been since the night Brian had walked out of Babylon carrying an unconscious Michael.

"Oh, I feel wonderful. I need to talk to you in the kitchen." Michael stood up, leaving Brian on the couch, still silent.

Brian's brain was not functioning too well. And all Michael had done was kiss him. He'd be dead the first time they actually made love, but what a way to go. 

In the kitchen, Michael and Justin kept their voices down.

"Do you want to be there when I tell Brian what you've remembered?" Justin wasn't as sure of Michael's answer as he had been earlier. Something seemed to have changed in the hour after Michael's nightmare.

"Yes. In fact, it's more that I want you there when I tell him. I want you to be able to fill in the words that I still can't say. And he's going to need you there, as will I."

"Michael. What did you remember that has given you so much strength? I think it's great, but still."

Michael thought a minute. "I don't know. Maybe it's that I finally remember everything. There's nothing else lurking in the shadows." The dream he'd had after the nightmare faded was something he would share only with Brian.

Justin watched Michael. "Are you sure about this? It's going to be harder to tell him than it was to tell me."

Michael never flinched. "Just keep the tissues handy. And Justin, I would never have made it this past week without you. You are a good friend." Michael hugged Justin. 

"Hey, making moves on sunshine now?" Brian had obviously recovered his brain function. Justin laughed and whispered to Michael. Michael nodded and walked over to Brian. Justin reached into the refrigerator and grabbed three beers. They would be needed.

Handing a beer to Brian, Justin said, "You're going to need this." Michael and Brian were sitting on the couch, wrapped in each other's arms. Michael shifted position so he could look Brian in the eyes. He held a beer in one hand and one of Brian's hands in the other. Justin sat on the coffee table so he would be close by for both of them. Justin said a quick prayer to be strong for both of them. "Brian, Michael wants to be the one to tell you what he remembers. 

Brian looked at Michael in surprise. "Why? You haven't said anything all weekend, since you started remembering Saturday."

Michael wasn't surprised that Brian knew when he'd started to remember. It was hard to fool someone who'd known you since you were 14. "Because I love you. Because you love me. I didn't say anything before because I wasn't sure what I was remembering, then because what I was remembering would hurt you." Michael sat his beer down next to Justin, and placed his hand on Brian's cheek. "But I can't pretend this away, and you deserve to know the truth. But remember this. It is not your fault."

Brian leaned his head into Michael's hand. "Let me be the judge of what's my fault and what's not." 

"Ok, so remember this. I remember everything, and I still love you." Michael kissed Brian, a soft kiss of love and tenderness.

"I love you, too."

Michael took a deep breath. "It was the night Ben left...."

 

"I left his place, in shock I guess. I already told you about the fight we had. And the worst part was, I wasn't sure how wrong he was. Not his actual accusations, you and I weren't having sex, but his unspoken words. He was jealous. I think he was trying to make me choose, and like everyone else who has tried to do that, he lost. He just couldn't compete. So, I went looking for you. I was mad at you for trying to destroy yourself and making me watch. For trying to push me away so I couldn't try to stop you. Anyway, I got to the loft and you were gone. No note, nothing. No one at Babylon or Woody's had seen you. Ted and Emmett were off on a date. And although I was speaking to Justin, he was with Ethan and I didn't want to see him. So, I was hanging around Babylon feeling sorry for myself." Michael paused and took a drink of his beer. Brian's face hadn't changed much, but this was all stuff he'd known anyway. The hard part was still ahead. 

"Anyway. I ran into Anita, and yeah, I know. You only do drugs with your friends, but I didn't feel like I had any that night. So, I bought some E from her. It was weird actually taking anything by myself. I haven't done that in a long time. So, I'm starting to get high when someone comes up to me. He looked vaguely familiar. He wants to know if I want to go to a party. I'm high enough, and drunk enough that I say sure. When I get there, someone hands me a drink. Big mistake. It's spiked with something. I can't concentrate, and my head is spinning. I can't make out voices; it's sounds like buzzing bees. It clears for a minute, and I hear someone say something about the night's entertainment, and everyone will get a shot. There are hands on me, guiding me somewhere. Someone is unbuttoning my shirt. Someone hands me another drink and I pass out. When I wake up, I'm in a sling, suspended from the ceiling, and I'm naked." Michael stopped again. He'd gotten this far, but the worst was yet to come. He reached over and took Justin's hands. He placed one of them in Brian's and held onto the other himself, forming a circle. Brian still hadn't said a word, but his eyes were full of support and love.

"Brian, this is where you'll start blaming yourself, and I don't want to hear a word of it. Got it? It's not your fault." Michael waited until Brian nodded, then continued.

"There was someone standing in front of me, the brunette I saw on the street the other day. I looked over, and there was a line of guys, about 10-15 of them. Then, I heard a voice I couldn't place by my head. It said, 'Tell Brian not to fuck with me again.' The brunette starts taking his shirt off. I screamed your name, and the crowd laughed. They knew you couldn't save me. Then that voice again, 'Brian's not going to be able to save you. In fact, he's part of the reason you are here. Pass on the message that he shouldn't interfere. When he does, people he cares about get hurt.' The voice walked around, so I could see him. It was Sap." Brian gasped. Pain ripped through him. Travis and Sap both had reason to dislike him and they'd taken it out on Michael. How could Michael say that it wasn't his fault? If he hadn't left town, if he hadn't been so selfish with Michael's time. Tears started streaming down his face.

"Ok Brian. I told you it wasn't your fault." Michael's voice cut through Brian's thoughts. "I'm the one who went to a party with someone I didn't know. Now, I won't continue if you are going to keep beating yourself up." Michael reached over and pulled Brian close for a kiss. "I love you. None of my memories have changed that."

"Michael, you are stronger than you know. I love you." Brian knew that he'd never stop feeling that it was his fault, but he had to try. "I'll stop beating myself up."

"Good. Now, Sap turned to the brunette, I'm sure you know what his name is." Michael waited.

Justin answered. "It's Travis."

"Thank you Justin. Anyway. Sap turned to Travis and said, ''You've always wanted him. You get him first. Be careful not to leave marks.' Then I noticed that he had a whip in his hands. At the first lash, I passed out. When I woke up, he was inside me. I tried to struggle, but someone had tied my arms and legs, all I could do was endure." Michael's eyes never left Brian's. This was the true test of Brian's love. Would he still love Michael after he knew the truth? "I kept passing out, so I'm not sure how many there were, or how long it lasted. More than one used a whip. When they were done, someone untied me and threw me in the shower. God that hurt. I was sober by then and all I wanted to do was go home and cry. My clothes were in the bathroom so I got dressed." Michael stopped. What happened next wasn't nearly as hard to remember, but it was harder to tell Brian. "When I left the bathroom, Sap was waiting for me. He said that the evening had been planned for months, they were just waiting for me to be out without my friends. Then Travis came up to me; he wanted to know when he could see me again. When I told him he'd better hope that he never saw me again, he laughed. Then he said to tell you that no wonder you kept him away from me." Brian's tears dried up in a flash of rage. Travis was a walking dead man.

Michael continued, "My car was still parked where I'd left it, and I drove home. I had bruises everywhere. Broken skin from the whips. There's no need to catalog the damage. But that's why I hid in my apartment for two weeks. That's how long it took for the bruises on my face to disappear and the rest of my body to heal enough for me to move without pain. I told my mother that Ben and I broke up and I needed time to myself. The first day, I tried to call you. Cynthia said that you were out of town, and out of touch. You would check your messages everyday, but she didn't know where you were. I knew that wasn't true, because you would have had her make the arrangements. So, I got mad at you, and stayed mad at you for a while. It was easier to blame you than to take responsibility for my stupidity. By the time I quit being mad at you, it was too late. I was already using drugs and it seemed easier than reaching out to anyone. And yes, I was trying to kill myself that night at Babylon, you saved my life."

Michael looked into Brian's eyes through his last speech. The love in his eyes never wavered. Brian still loved him. Now they just had to get past the blame that Brian was currently heaping upon himself.

"Michael. You amaze me. I almost kill you, and you credit me with saving your life. You can pretty it up all you want. But it's still my fault. I shouldn't have tried to self-destruct. I shouldn't have left town without telling you. I shouldn't have let you give me all you had until Ben finally had enough, and I should have told Cynthia to tell you where I was." Brian pulled Michael into his arms. "I love you Michael Novotny."

Justin looked at Michael with awe. Whatever had happened to Michael after his last nightmare, he had gained even more strength. He had never faltered or hesitated. Telling his lover that he'd been gang raped, he was the one giving comfort. It looked like he wasn't needed anymore, so he stood up to leave. 

Michael stopped him. "Where are you going boy wonder? I'm sure the two of you have questions. I'd like to get this all out tonight."

Justin sat back down. "Were they all careful?" The one fear that had been circling around in his head since that morning made itself heard.

"As far as I can remember, yes. Sap insisted on it. That and lube, to reduce the internal injuries."

Brian flinched. Now that Michael remembered what happened, would he ever be able to make love to him? "Were you safe, with the heroin?"

"Yes. I never shared needles and I never had sex for drugs."

Justin asked the only other question that he cared about the answer to. "Do you want to press charges?" 

"No. I can probably get Sap fired from Babylon, other than that, I want to try to move on."

Brian and Justin exchanged a look. Sap and Travis wouldn't get off that lightly. They would pay.

Justin stood up, "I'm going. You two have a lot to talk about. I love you both." Justin embraced both men, then left. He had some plans to make.

Brian locked the door behind Justin and turned to Michael. "How can you still love me?" Pain tore through Brian, leaving him shaken. "I almost killed you. You were.. because of me. Because I've been a selfish prick." Tears streamed down his face.

Sighing, Michael walked over to Brian. He'd known Brian would take this personally. How was he going to convince Brian that he wasn't responsible? He took Brian's head in his hands, looking him in the eyes. "Brian, I love you. It is not your fault. What would you have done, not stopped Travis from doing whatever it was you stopped him from doing? Let Sap touch Justin again after he quit? What would you have done differently?"

Brian stopped. What would he have done differently? Sacrificed Justin for Michael? Not stopped Travis from attacking someone outside the club? He would make no changes there. "But I should have been there when you came looking for me. I shouldn't have left town."

"Brian, you cannot live your life waiting for me to need you. You needed to get away. I understand that." Michael had to make Brian see that it wasn't his fault. "You couldn't know what was going to happen. Do you think that I don't know how painful this is for you? I love you."

"Mikey. You are amazing." Brian was stunned at the strength of this man. "I should be comforting you. I knew you were strong, but this is astounding. When I left this morning, you were a wreck. What happened?"

Michael pulled Brian over to the couch. "First, I talked to Justin, which helped. Then I had a dream. It was us, in ten years. Still together. I want that. I want us. It gave me strength. We can get through this."

Brian looked at Michael with awe and respect. "Yes we can."

"I know that it won't be easy, and I still need to talk to the therapist." Michael was determined that he would get himself back. There were a still a few fuzzy details and one major hurdle. Would he have the strength to make love with Brian? He needed to find out. And he was tired of waiting. "I know we decided to wait until I had talked to him before we tried to make love, but I don't want to wait. I want you." 

Michael's simple words sent a wave of desire coursing through Brian. "Are you sure? I don't want you to push yourself into something you aren't ready for."

"I'm sure. We'll just take it slow." Michael leaned over and kissed Brian softly, pressing his lower body into Brian's. There was no disputing the evidence of Michael's desire.

"If you change your mind, tell me. You are in charge." Brian allowed Michael to lead him into the bedroom.

Michael pushed Brian on to the bed. Passion made Michael's hands shake as he leaned over and unbuttoned Brian's shirt. "I want you to erase those other touches. I want to remember your hands, not theirs."

Brian smiled and kissed Michael passionately. "I love you."

~~~~ 

Brian woke slowly. Michael was wrapped around him. Tightening his hold on Michael, Brian smiled and thought back over the night. They'd managed to make love for the first time. It had been slow and passionate. He'd watched Michael's face for any hesitancy and stopped until it passed. Just thinking about it made Brian's blood heat. He turned to Michael, surprised to see those eyes watching him. "Morning Mikey."

"Morning Brian." Michael hadn't thought he could love Brian anymore than he already did, but he'd been wrong. The memory of Brian's tenderness last night made Michael fall even further in love. "I love you."

"I love you too." They stayed cuddled in bed for another hour, not saying a word. Then, looking at the clock, Michael sat up.

"Shit. I have an appointment in two hours. I need a shower." Michael looked over at Brian in silent invitation.

"I'll wash your back." Brian stood up and walked to the bathroom, completely at ease with his body. Michael enjoyed watching him, it was an erotic sight.

Brian turned on the water. "I thought you were joining me." He kept it light, knowing that Michael needed no pressure. His therapy appointment would be hard enough. 

Michael laughed and walked into the shower. "Just enjoying the view. Now, I believe you said something about washing my back?" He handed the soap to Brian. Michael sighed when Brian's soap covered hand caressed his back. He could feel the beginnings of desire curl through him. Then Brian's hand moved lower, covering his ass. Suddenly, it wasn't Brian touching him and Michael recoiled.

Brian stopped as soon as he felt Michael tense, before he moved away. No longer touching Michael, he allowed his voice to provide comfort. "It's ok. It's just me."

Michael turned around to face Brian. The pain in Michael's chocolate eyes sent pain through Brian. "I'm sorry-." Before Michael could continue, Brian interrupted him.

"There is no need to apologize. Just because we made love last night, doesn't mean that you won't still have flashbacks. It's ok. We'll just cherish the times we can." Brian didn't know where his knowledge came from, but he hoped it was the right thing. 

Michael sighed. "I hate this. I love you." He moved into Brian's waiting arms. 

"I love you too. Now, do you want to finish your shower alone?"

"No. Let's finish the shower and go to the diner for breakfast." It would be their first journey to the diner. Michael wanted to show off Brian.

"Ok. Want me to call the gang and have them meet us?"

"Sure." 

They finished up their shower, teasing each other as little as they could manage and got dressed. While Michael was dressing, Brian called Ted and Emmett, and Justin. They agreed to meet for breakfast in half an hour.

~~~

Walking into the diner was difficult. It took Michael a couple of minutes, along with all the relaxation techniques he'd learned from Ben, to work up the nerve to walk in. He refused to let Brian let him off the hook. "No, I can't hide." With a deep breath, Michael pushed open the door.

Spying them, Justin waved them over. He watched Michael closely. Michael seemed a little edgy, but ok. Standing up, he hugged Michael. "You ok?" He whispered in Michael's ear.

Returning the hug, Michael said, "I'm better than ok." Pulling back, he gave Justin a wink.

Justin laughed. He knew that that wink meant and he was glad. He turned to Brian. "How about you, are you ok?"

The patented Brian Kinney grin broke out. That was all the answer anyone needed. 

Justin sat down next to Emmett and Ted, leaving Michael and Brian on the other side. Justin knew that Michael didn't need to be crowded into the booth.

The five of them talked and laughed as though it had been months since they' d seen each other rather than days. Michael pulled out Justin's sketch of Emmett's alter ego.

"Hey Em, want to see something?" He pushed the paper across the table to Emmett.

Emmett picked it up. He studied the picture for a minute, until the connection hit him. "Oh my god. It's me. I'm a hero?" Incredulous, Emmett looked at Michael and Justin for verification.

It was Justin who answered. "Yes Emmett. You are definitely hero material. His name is Rainbow Warrior. His pink feather boa is a little like Wonder Woman's lasso. It has super powers all it's own. And he's going to save Rage and Zephyr."

Emmett sat in shock. He'd never expected to be made a superhero. He'd thought that maybe he'd be in a panel or two, not have his own storyline. "I don't know what to say. Why?"

Justin met Emmett's eyes. "I told you. You are hero material." He hugged Emmett. "I'll explain more later," he murmured into Emmett's ear.

Michael looked at Ted. The look of pride on Ted's face said more about his love for Emmett than anything he could have said. "And Ted, don't think we' ve forgotten about you. We are looking for something special for you."

"I don't expect anything." Ted never expected anything. That was his problem.

"I know you don't. That's why we want to do something special for you." Michael pushed the food around on his plate, all pretense of eating gone. It was getting closer to his therapy appointment. Justin noticed and pulled Michael up by the arm.

"Come on, let's talk outside for a minute." They walked outside. Justin looked at Michael. "I haven't said anything to Emmett and Ted. Do you want me to tell them, or do you want to?"

Michael knew that Ted and Emmett needed to know, but after telling Justin, and then Brian, he didn't think he could say it again. "You do it. Thanks Boy Wonder." He hugged Justin. He didn't know what he would have done without this amazing young man in his life.

Brian walked out of the diner. "I'm not interrupting anything am I?" Humor made his voice light. 

Justin released Michael. "I guess you two need to go. I'll talk to you later." Justin walked back into the diner. Now that he had permission to tell Emmett and Ted what happened, there were plans to be made. Revenge was going to be sweet. 

 

Brian led Michael into the therapist's office. "Do you want me to go in with you?"

"Not this time." Michael held onto Brian's hand. "This is something I need to do on my own. " Michael walked over to the receptionist and checked in. They sat in the waiting room. When Michael's name was called, Brian hugged him.

"I'll be waiting for you. I love you." Brian watched Michael walk into the doctor's office. As soon as Michael disappeared from sight, Brian let the receptionist know how to get in touch with him and walked outside. He pulled out his cell phone and called Justin.

"Hey sunshine."

Justin's voice came across the line as clear as day. "Hey Brian."

"Did you get it?"

"Yup, Emmett got Travis's address. It seems that Travis has been paranoid since the night he attacked Michael and he's been hiding in his apartment since Saturday." Justin's laughter shook the line.

"Good. Now, how do we deal with him without Michael finding out?"

"I've been thinking. Deb's been making noises that she hasn't gotten to see Michael recently. Let's have her spend the day with him. You can have an emergency at work. Tell Cynthia to patch Michael through to your cell phone if he calls." 

Brian smiled. It was not a nice smile. "Good plan. Have you talked to Ted and Emmett?"

"They're on board. I'll talk to Deb about spending time with Michael tomorrow. I don't want Travis getting jumpy and splitting town."

"Ok. Call me later about Deb."

"Sure Bri. Talk to you later." Justin disconnected the phone and turned to Ted and Emmett. Emmett's eyes flashed with barely suppressed rage.

Justin's calm exterior masked the anger that coursed through him. "Ok. We're set for tomorrow. I'll talk to Deb. Brian will talk to Cynthia. Ted, do you have everything we're going to need?"

"Sure. Anything I don't have already, I can get before tomorrow." Ted had felt true anger rarely in his life. But the thought of someone hurting Michael because they were angry with Brian caused a rage so strong, it took all his willpower not to go after Travis now.

"Good." Justin looked at Ted and Emmett. Telling them what had happened to Michael hadn't been easy and he'd skipped over a number of details. However, he'd known that there would be no hesitation from them when he asked them to help. Michael had good friends.

~~~

Michael walked out of the therapist's office drained. Who would have thought that talking could be so exhausting? He saw Brian sitting in the waiting room, thumbing through a magazine. Feeling Michael's eyes on him, he looked up. A concerned smile crossed Brian's face as he stood up and walked over to Michael.

"You look tired."

Michael smiled. "Thanks. I am." Michael turned to the receptionist and made an appointment for the next week. Turning back to Brian, he said, "Can we go home now?"

Putting his arm around Michael's shoulders, Brian led him out to the jeep. "Sure."

~~~~~

Walking into the loft, Michael collapsed on the couch. Talking to Dr. Sullivan made him feel raw and exposed. Brian sat down next to him. "You ok?" He hesitated before pulling Michael into his arms. Michael relaxed into Brian's embrace.

"I think so."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really. It was just a general rehashing of everything you already know. He did give me a few ideas on how to deal with the flashbacks." Michael had asked specifically about those. He wanted ways to keep from freaking out whenever they tried to make love.

"Good. We'll just stay in and relax." And that's exactly what they did. They ate lunch, leftovers from the night before, and watched TV. And they made love. Repeatedly. And Michael's sleep was uninterrupted by nightmares. He slept peacefully in Brian's arms all night.

~~~

Brian answered the door. Someone was knocking repeatedly. "Patience. I'm coming."

"I hope not. You should finish that before you answer the door." Deb smiled at she walked in.

"What time is it?" Brian stumbled to the bedroom.

"It's ten. Did you not get enough sleep last night?" Debbie smirked.

"Deb, shut up." Brian disappeared into his bedroom. Debbie heard him waking up Michael. "Mikey, wake up. Your mother is here." A mumble that could have been Michael made Brian chuckle. "No, I am not telling her to go away. Now, get up and get dressed."

While waiting for them to get out of the bedroom, Debbie searched the kitchen for food. Finding eggs and not much else, Debbie laughed. It looked like she was going to have to go to the store again. She couldn't trust them to do it.

Brian walked out of the bedroom while Michael showered. There were a few things he needed to discuss with Deb.

"Deb, did Justin talk to you?" Justin had volunteered to tell Michael's mom what had happened. He felt that Michael and Brian were too emotional and Deb needed a calm shoulder.

Shaken by what her son had gone through, Deb had spent the night tossing and turning. Several times, she'd come close to calling Carl Horvath and sending him to talk to Michael about pressing charges. The only thing that had stopped her was the sure knowledge that the men responsible for hurting her baby boy would not walk away unscathed. Michael had friends.

"Yes Brian. I hope you know what a wonderful friend Justin is."

"I do. I don't know how Michael and I could have gotten through this without him." Brian looked at Debbie with amazement. For a woman whose emotions ran very close to the surface, she was surprisingly calm about what Michael had gone through. Hopefully, Justin hadn't told her what they were up to.

"Deb, Michael had his first therapy appointment yesterday. He's still a little raw from it, so I don't think he's going to want to go into too many details about what happened. And he's a little skittish about anyone coming up behind him, so make sure and announce your presence." Brian knew that Deb wouldn't press Michael, but he needed to be sure.

Deb looked at the man who loved her son. Brian Kinney had turned out to be a wonderful man, and she liked that Michael had a lot to do with that. Maybe she did too. "We'll just sit around talking about everything and nothing, as usual. Now, how do you boys expect to keep your strength up with no food in the house?"

Sheepishly, Brian remembered the state of the refrigerator. "We eat whatever our visitors bring with them. They know that neither of us can cook. They take pity on us."

Deb laughed. "And so do I. I have a couple of bags in the car. Want to go get them for me?"

"Sure." Brian headed out the door. Deb's request would allow him time to call Cynthia. She adored Michael and had agreed to help any way she could. He was going to have to give her a raise. She was doing her job and half of his.

After calling Cynthia, who would call Justin, Brian made his way back into the loft with the bags Deb had brought. He could hear Michael and Deb talking, the general catching up on family business. Brian started unloading the bags, listening to Michael's voice. Already, it sounded more and more like the old Michael. It was good to hear.

"Hey, anyone going to help me with these?" Brian couldn't stand the lack of attention any longer. Michael jumped up and hurried over to the man he loved and planted a large kiss on his cheek. "You don't really think I'm going to settle for that do you?" Brian pulled Michael into his arms and leaned down. Kissing Michael was one of his favorite things to do.

As they got lost in each other, the world disappeared. They were jerked back to reality when Deb cleared her throat. "Excuse me. Am I in the way?" Her voice was full of laughter.

Michael blushed. Getting lost in passion in front of his friends didn't bother him, but he'd never been comfortable doing it in front of his mother. "Sorry. Let's eat."

Pulling out the mountains of food that Deb provided, they talked and laughed. About an hour later, the phone rang.

"I'll get it." Michael was closest to the phone. "Hello?...Hi Cynthia. What's wrong? You sound harried....Sure." Handing the phone to Brian, he said, "It's for you. She sounds in a bad mood."

Brian took the phone from Michael. His half of the conversation was purely for his audience. "Hey Cyn...What?...You're going to have to slow down....What did they do?...What am I supposed to do about it? I'm on leave....Maybe. His mom is here." Brian turned to Deb. "Could you stay here with Michael for a while? Gardner fires one set of idiot twins and manages to find another set. I have to go into the office for a while."

"Sure. I have nothing to do today." Deb was delighted. She wanted to talk to Michael and knew that he would be more open if he wasn't worried about Brian. "Do you mind hanging out with your mother?" She looked at Michael.

Michael laughed. "No Ma. I don't mind hanging out with you. I've missed you."

Brian returned to Cynthia. "I'll be there soon." He hung up the phone and walked over to Michael. "You know I wouldn't leave if it weren't important, don't you?" Brian looked into Michael's amazing brown eyes. It was like looking into his own soul, reflected back at him.

Michael sighed. One day, he would have to talk to Brian about the tendency to try to wrap him in cotton. But not right now. They both needed it. "I'll be fine. Your work is important and my mother is here. She can protect me almost as well as you can." 

Brian was well aware of that. In fact, he was prepared for Deb to bitch him out if she ever found out what he was up to. Not because it was "wrong" or because she wouldn't approve, but because he left her out of the fun. "I know. I love you."

Michael leaned into Brian's body. "I love you too. Now kiss me." Brian proceeded to do just that. They broke apart and smiled at each other. Debbie was struck again by the love that radiated from these two. It always had, but if the energy they gave off now could be bottled, California would never have another energy shortage.

Brian kissed Deb on the cheek on his way out the door. "Bye, Mom." It was partly tongue in cheek, but the other part was sincere. He would have to ask her if she minded if he called her mom. She would be his mother-in-law after all.

Deb watched Brian leave. She knew that Brian's remark was a testing of the waters. He wanted to call her "Mom," a fact that made Deb very happy. If he ever got around to asking, she would definitely say yes.

"Ma, I'm sure that Justin left things out when he told you what happened to me. So do you want to know the details?" Michael knew that she wouldn't ask. Even as pushy and overbearing as she was, she would never push him about this.

Debbie didn't know why she was surprised. Michael had a strength that no one ever saw. She had read the inscription Ben had written so long ago. Her son did indeed have the heart of a superhero. "No, I don't. As long as you are talking about it to people, you don't need me."

Michael looked at his mother in shock. Deb was backing off? "Who are you and what have you done with my mother?"

"Hey, I'm offended. There are some things that a man doesn't want to talk to his mother about. And I understand that. You are talking to Brian and your therapist. And you are talking to Justin. Which shouldn't surprise me. Have I told you lately that I'm glad you two are friends?" As Deb talked, she cleaned the kitchen.

"Yes you have. And I'm glad too. He's a good kid, growing into a great man. And I'd like to think that I've helped him with that." 

"You have. Brian has too. Justin wouldn't be half the man he is today without you two."

Deb and Michael finished cleaning the kitchen and sat down in to watch television. They actually paid little attention to it. They talked for hours about everything and nothing. Hours sped by. Deb talked about her relationship with Carl; Michael talked about his relationship with Brian.

The ringing of the phone interrupted Deb's reminiscences of Michael and Brian's teenage exploits. Michael gratefully answered the phone. "Hello?...What?" Deb watched Michael's face turn completely white. "We'll be right there." He turned to his mother. "The boys have been arrested." He dialed Melanie's phone number. "Mel? It's Michael. Can you meet me at the police station? The boys have been arrested....They didn't say....Which one?" Michael burst out in nervous laughter. "All of them."

 

Michael approached the raised platform where the desk sergeant had his head bent over some paperwork. "I'm here to post bail for Brian Kinney, Theodore Schmidt, Emmett Honeycutt, and Justin Taylor." Michael motioned behind him. "And their attorney would like to see them." 

The officer never looked up, "Three of them are being released OR, they should be out soon. The detective wants to talk to the fourth about something. I don't know what his bail's going to be."

Michael's heart skipped. Even though he knew the answer, he had to ask. "Which one isn't being released?"

The desk sergeant looked up. Recognition passed between them as Michael's brown eyes met the pale blue eyes of one of his assailants. The officer's face paled as his career flashed before his eyes. "B-B-Brian Kinney," he stuttered. "He hasn't asked to see his lawyer, so I'll have to check and see if the detective will let her back." 

Michael stepped closer to the young man, who was by now flushed and sweaty. Michael kept his voice low and steady. "I'm sure that your superior officers don't know about your nocturnal habits. And I'm not talking about the fact that you're gay." Michael never took his eyes off the cop. Reading the name off his badge, Michael continued. "Now Officer Jefferson, can you help me?"

"Y-yes sir." Officer Jefferson tried to regain his air of authority with no luck. He had all the authority of Michael trying to tell his mother to stay out of his life. 

"I'm glad we understand each other." Michael walked back to his mother and Melanie. "Mel, you'll be able to see Brian in a minute. The nice officer over there has agreed to help us."

Melanie watched Michael. She wasn't sure what had happened to him, but she noticed a new strength and confidence about him. "What did you say to him?"

"Oh nothing. Just thought I recognized him from somewhere." Michael didn't elaborate.

An older detective came out of the back of the station. "Is Brian Kinney's lawyer here?" He sounded exasperated that he'd had to stop questioning Brian. The young officer who'd interrupted his interrogation would feel the heat.

"I'm Melanie Marcus." The detective couldn't hide his surprise that the lawyer was a woman. He was an old-fashioned man; some might call him a dinosaur. The four men he'd been questioning had already pushed him over the edge of tolerance.

With barely concealed disgust, he introduced himself. "Detective Anderson. Your client is this way. He's decided to keep his mouth shut."

Melanie sighed. Great, a homophobic and misogynistic cop, probably anti-Semitic too. "Good for him. Now, what's he being charged with?"

"He's not being charged with anything. Yet. We've got some questions about the incident he and his 'friends' were involved in."

Melanie knew she'd get no answers out of Detective Anderson. "I want to talk to my client in private." Not waiting for a response, she closed the door in the cop's face. 

Brian sat in a metal chair, leaning his head in his hands. Even in the dinginess of the room, Melanie could see the shadows on his cheek that implied the start of a nasty bruise. "Brian. What the hell did you do?" She pulled out the chair across from him and forced his gaze up.

Brian started laughing. "You're my lawyer, right?"

"God help me, yes."

"Then get me out of here, and I'll tell you all about it. I only want to tell it once. And I need to be there for Justin." Brian got angry again every time he thought about what happened. "Besides, Michael's mad at me."

"What makes you think he's mad at you. He didn't say anything to me."

Brian's scowl got even bigger. "I don't think he's mad at me, I know he's mad at me. I lied to him." Brian wasn't worried about Michael being mad at him. He knew that once he told Michael everything, he would be forgiven. If not, he'd beg. 

"I'll see what I can do about getting you out of here. And I want the whole story." Melanie walked out of the interrogation room and found Detective Anderson leaning on the wall. "Is my client being charged with anything?"

"No. He's free to go." Obviously, he wasn't happy about it. But he'd been ordered to drop it. It seemed that Mr. Kinney had friends.

"Thank you for your help and cooperation." Sarcasm dripped from Melanie's voice. She turned and walked back into the room. "Ok Brian. The detective's not happy but he's not pressing charges. What I don't know is what he would have to charge you with."

Nonchalantly, Brian spoke as he walked out of the room. "Oh, just assault with intent to kill."

Melanie stood in shock as Brian walked away from her. Brian had a habit of doing that. Leaving her speechless as he walked off. Shaking her head, she followed him out to the waiting room.

Brian walked over to Michael. "Am I in trouble?" He tried to sound sheepish and apologetic.

"Yes." Obviously, Michael wasn't buying it. "You owe Carl. He leaned on Detective Anderson for you." Michael turned to the gathered crowd. Now that his concern about Brian was abated, he noticed that all four were dressed in black. Emmett was down right sedate. "Ok, does someone want to start talking?"

Emmett looked at Brian, who only nodded. "Honey; let's go to the loft. I don't think this story needs to be told in the middle of the police station."

Michael noticed that the mood was rather somber. "Ok, Melanie drove her car so Mom and I will take Brian and Justin, Emmett and Ted can ride with her." As they turned to leave, Brian noticed two men being brought in, hands cuffed behind them. Now these two would not be leaving any time soon. Ethan Gold and Travis Wellington.

Michael noticed the duo and stopped. "Hey, Boy Wonder. Isn't that your ex over there? With Travis?"

Justin never even looked over. "Yes it is. That's part of the story. I don't want to get into it here. Let's get out of here." Justin tried to keep his voice from betraying his inner turmoil, but it wavered slightly. He couldn't believe that he'd been so wrong about someone he cared about.

Michael stopped. "You ok Justin?"

"Yeah. I will be. I want to leave." Justin headed out to Michael's car. Knowing that Michael would be driving, he slid into the back seat and pulled Deb with him. Brian slid into the passenger's seat.

Brian hadn't said a word as they left the police station. Michael didn't fool him. He hadn't yelled, but Brian knew Michael. He was pissed.

The ride back to the loft was a quiet one. Once they arrived, Michael sent his mother and Justin up. "I want to talk to Brian for a minute. You two go on up."

Deb happily abandoned Brian to Michael. "Don't hurt him too bad. I want a turn." 

Justin held back. Once Deb was inside the building, he turned to Michael. "Don't be too mad at him. He did it because he loves you."

Michael hugged Justin and whispered, "Don't worry. You know I can never stay mad at him." Justin laughed and headed inside. 

Watching Justin bounce up the stairs, Michael pulled his face into what he hoped was a stern expression, then turned around. "I hope you have a good explanation for lying to me." His tone revealed none of his inner amusement.

"Ah, Mikey. I didn't want you to worry. I would have told you everything tonight. If I'd told you what was happening you would have made yourself sick with worry." Brian pleaded. 

"And what exactly would I have worried about?"

"I need help telling the story. Let's go upstairs and we'll tell you everything." Brian pulled Michael into his arms. "You know I wouldn't hurt you. I love you." 

Michael returned Brian's hug. "I know. But I don't appreciate being lied to." 

"I know. I'll try not to do it again." Brian knew he was forgiven.

"Ok, let's go. I have a feeling I'm going to need a drink."

Brian sighed. "You probably will."

~~~ 

Obviously, everyone else decided not to wait for them. Emmett had taken off his black shirt to reveal the hot pink half-tee he'd had on under it. There was laughter and repeated, "Just wait until Brian and Michael get here. We'll tell then."

"Well then, let me get a drink and you can start talking." Michael spoke up from the doorway.

Justin looked up from his sketchbook. The events of the day had inspired him. He was glad to see that Michael and Brian were ok. For some reason, the thought of them not making it shook him worse then his parent's divorce had. He would have to make sure that nothing ever happened to them.

Brian played the good host, ordering pizza and making sure everyone had a fresh drink. Then he sat down next to Michael.

Michael was the first to say something. "Ok, what happened?"

Before anyone could say anything, there was a knock at the door. Michael opened the door and was immediately bowled over by a two-foot tall whirlwind. The whirlwind stopped only when it's target was acquired. "Daddy!"

Lindsey walked in behind Gus. "Did we miss anything?" She laughed when she noticed her son being held upside down by his father. "He just ate, so I wouldn't do that." 

Melanie walked over to Lindsey and helped unload Gus's stuff. "You didn't miss anything. They were just getting started."

Brian sat Gus down on his feet and Gus toddled over to Michael. Reaching his arms up, he wordlessly asked to be picked up. Michael could no more resist Gus than he could his father. "Hey little guy."

"Hey Uncle Mikey. Love you."

Michael's heart melted as he carried Gus over to the couch. "I love you too." Gus cuddled up against Michael and closed his eyes. As Gus drifted off to sleep, Michael turned to the gathered crowd. "Ok. Everyone's here, someone start talking."

Emmett, Ted, Justin, and Brian all exchanged looks. Finally Emmett opened his mouth. "Well darlin' it happened like this. A few days ago, before he told us what happened to you, Justin asked me to get an address for him. I got it for him the day you wrote me that wonderful character. I was so touched. Then Justin told Ted and me what happened and asked if we were up for some payback. Of course we said yes. We should have known that it wouldn't be that easy."

~~~~~Flashback to earlier that day~~~~~~~

Justin looked at his watch for the thirteenth time in 10 minutes. Emmett sighed. "Honey, he'll be here." Looking down the street, Emmett relaxed. "In fact, here he comes now."

Ted looked around nervously. Now that the heat of passion had passed, he wasn't sure this was a good idea. Too many things could go wrong. But he knew better than to say anything, they would just tell him that he was being paranoid.

Emmett waved at Brian. "Hey sweetie. Justin was just about to crawl out of his skin. And I don't know why I had to wear black. It's so boring."

Brian laughed. Trust Emmett to complain about the wardrobe. "Emmett, if we get caught, you could be wearing prison orange for a few years. I think you can wear black for a few hours."

Emmett shuddered at the thought. "Well, if you put it that way."

Justin snapped, "If you two are done talking about clothes, can we get on with this? Are we sure this is the place?"

Emmett was insulted. "Of course I'm sure. This is Travis's apartment building. Unless he decided to skip town on us, which is very likely, then he's here." Emmett was surprised that Justin was the one whose nerves were stretched tight. Brian was calm and Ted, well, Ted was Ted.

Justin headed for Travis's apartment building, followed by Ted, Brian, and Emmett. It was obvious that Travis didn't have much money. There was no security at all in the building, so the foursome walked straight up to Travis's door. 

Brian started knocking. Then pounding. When it became clear that either he wasn't at home, or he wasn't answering the door, he turned to Ted. "Ted, did you get it?"

Ted sighed. "Yes Brian, I got it." Ted reached into his pocket and pulled out a key. It had cost him a free membership to the web site, but he'd gotten the master key from the super. It slid in perfectly. He pushed the door open. What they found shocked them.

Travis was home all right, but he wasn't alone. He was wrapped up in the arms of a young brunette. They couldn't see the other man's face, but they were both naked. Brian broke the silence. "I hope this one is willing." Travis jumped as he recognized the voice.

"B-b-Brian Kinney." Travis started searching for a pair of pants as Brian entered the room, allowing the other three to walk in behind him. "And Emmett, and Ted, and oh shit-!" As soon as Justin walked into the room, Travis stopped. He'd found a pair of pants and quickly pulled them on as he started looking for an escape route. As the four men took positions in front of the door, Travis realized he was going to have to go out the window. All he needed was a distraction, and his playmate provided it.

"Justin?" Ethan's voice was a squeak. Justin stared.

"Ethan, are you here willingly?" Justin knew that if Travis had hurt Ethan, he'd have to kill him.

"Of course. Why wouldn't I be?"

Justin was relieved, and tried to get Ethan out of the way. "I'll explain later. Right now, we have some unfinished business with Travis."

Brian stood quietly watching Travis try to inch his way toward the window. "I wouldn't try that Travis. You know, I've heard that you have been slightly paranoid since Saturday. Not leaving the apartment, not taking phone calls. I wonder how Ethan got in." Brian was beginning to have a sickening feeling in his gut. For Justin's sake, he hoped he was wrong.

Travis tried to bluff his way out of the trouble he knew he was in. "I don't know what you are talking about."

Brian laughed, "I'm talking about the fact that you ran into Michael and me on the street, realized that we are together now, and figured that he would tell me about your twisted little party. And you knew that I would come after you." Brian slowly moved toward Travis.

Ethan provided Travis with his opportunity. "You mean the party with Michael?"

Justin paled, "How do you know about that?"

"I was there." Justin, Emmett, and Ted stood motionless as the implications of that sunk in. Travis headed out the window. When Brian caught him by the leg, Travis reached into the pocket of his pants and pulled out a small pistol and pointed it at Brian.

"Now, the four of you are going to let Ethan and I leave, or I'm going to shoot Brian." Travis walked across the room and pulled another gun out of his dresser drawer and handed it to Ethan. Justin broke out of his shock to confront Ethan.

"Ethan, what do you mean you were at that party with Michael?" Justin's voice betrayed his fear.

"Exactly what you think I mean. Michael didn't tell you? I had to know what it was about him that made you want him more than me." Ethan was pleading with Justin to understand. As Justin struggled to comprehend how Ethan could do such a thing, he moved closer to the man he thought he knew.

"Why would Michael tell me that my boyfriend raped him?" Justin inched closer to Ethan. He needed to get within arms reach. Ethan knew nothing about guns, which made Justin very nervous about the way he was waving it around.

While Justin kept Ethan occupied, Brian and Ted moved in on Travis. He was more dangerous because he knew how to use the gun he was wielding. Emmett kept guard on the door, ready to tackle anyone who thought he was getting out.

What happened next was worthy of a Monty Python sketch. Emmett's source must have gotten cold feet about snitching on Travis because he came barreling through the door, knocking Emmett into Justin, who went flying into Ethan. When Ethan fell back, he accidentally fired the gun. Travis, Brian, and Ted all hit the floor when the gun went off. Thinking quickly, Travis scrambled for the door. As he ran by, Emmett snared his leg and Travis went flying. Brian quickly stood up and walked over to Travis. He pulled Travis up by the shirtfront and started hitting Travis. Travis regained his balance and landed a fist to Brian's jaw.

On the other side of the room, Justin had Ethan pinned to the ground. Emmett was trying to revive Ted, who'd hit his head when Brian and Travis landed on top of him.

Brian quickly subdued Travis, but didn't stop hitting him. When Emmett noticed, he left a newly conscious Ted and rushed to Brian. "Honey, he's not hitting back. He's not going to hurt Michael again. Brian, that's enough. You don't want Michael to have to watch you go to jail for murder, do you?" That penetrated the fog that had descended over Brian. With one final punch, he left Travis on the floor. 

"Thank you Emmett, I knew Justin was right to draw you as a superhero." Brian showed a rare gratitude.

Then they turned their attention to Justin. To their surprise, he hadn't laid a finger on Ethan. He was just sitting on his chest, making sure he didn't move.

"You know, you tried to shoot me. Did everyone see that?" Everyone, except Travis, agreed. "Maybe someday, I'll want answers from you about why you would hurt one of my best friends that way, but right now, I just want you out of my sight."

Ethan tried to argue, but Justin wouldn't listen. "Emmett, could you watch him? I can't even stand to look at him."

~~~~ 

Justin stopped. He couldn't go any further without talking to Michael. He slowly met Michael's eyes. What he saw reminded him once again that Michael had strength few people ever saw. Those amazing brown eyes were full of sympathy. Brian had taken Gus from Michael, so Michael was free to move over to Justin.

"Boy Wonder, it's not your fault. I don't even remember Ethan." Michael would never tell Justin the truth. He did remember Ethan. He'd been almost as rough as Travis. His grudge though, hadn't been with Brian, unlike the rest of the guys. Ethan had been mad at Michael. And Justin.

Michael embraced Justin, letting Justin lean on him.

Behind them, Emmett finished up the story. "Well, then the cops showed up. Justin accused Ethan of shooting at him, on purpose. Travis filed assault charges against Brian. And that asshole cop wanted to hang us all just for being gay. Turns out, Travis has a felony record and so all those guns he had are illegal. So, he's going to jail for a long time for weapons violations. The charges against Ethan probably won't stick, but by the time it gets straightened out, he'll have a bad reputation and will probably lose out on some scholarships and stuff."

Deb had sat quietly through out the story. She looked at Brian. Then looked at her son. The last of her worries about Brian and Michael as a couple vanished. Brian would never hurt her son. She walked over to Brian and hugged him, whispering in his ear as she did. "You have my blessing."

Surprised, Brian looked up at Deb. He hadn't had a chance to talk to her about something much more important than the failed revenge against Michael's attackers. But once again, Deb beat him to the punch. "Are you sure? You know what I have in mind?"

"Yes I do. When are you going to do it?"

"As soon as he stops hugging my ex." Brian gestured toward the still embracing couple. "And as soon as someone gets my son off my lap." Deb laughed and took Gus and placed him on Brian's bed.

Brian walked into his bedroom behind her. "I'm going to do this right." Brian waited until Deb tucked in his son before speaking. "Deb, as Michael's only parent, I am asking you for permission to ask Michael to marry me" 

 

Tears streamed down Deb's face.

"Of course you have my permission." Deb embraced Brian. "You know, this means that you are going to have to call me Mom."

Brian laughed. "That was going to be my next question. But I have to say this." Brian took a deep breath. He was no good at letting people know how he felt about them, but he needed to get this out. "Deb, I didn't have a mother until I was fourteen years old. You know what my mother is like. I thought that was the way that all mother's were. But you showed me differently. I wouldn't be half the man I am without you. I love you, Mom."

Deb threw herself into Brian's arms. Emotion made her speechless. Minutes passed before she composed herself. "You've grown into quite the man Brian Kinney. I'm proud of you. And I love you."

Deb and Brian walked out of the bedroom to where the rest of their family sat. Brian walked around, making sure that everyone had fresh drinks, he was sure they were going to need them. As Michael and Justin finished up their conversation, Brian struck his glass with a knife he grabbed from the kitchen.

"Attention please. I have some things that I want to say." Everyone turned their eyes toward Brian. "First of all, I want to thank Emmett, Ted,and Justin for going with me today. You three are great friends. Individually, Ted, to the world, it seems like you and I hate each other. And sometimes we do. You remind me every time I see you, that I'm getting older. But, you have balls. You quit your nice, safe, prosperous career, and pursued your dreams. In an industry that has 10 failures for every success, you've managed to soar above them all. I'm proud of you." Brian walked over and hugged Ted. "And I'll never say that in public." Brian's comment broke the emotional tension in the room. 

Brian turned his attention to Emmett. "Em, you are one of a kind. It takes real guts to live your life the way you do. You bring color and pizzazz into a gray world. I can always count on you to cheer me up when I feel blue. Usually by wearing the most god-awful outfits man never imagined." Hugging Emmett, Brian moved on.

"Mel. You and I have had our differences. But you are a great mother to my son, and a great spouse to Lindz. You have been there to help me whenever I've called and I appreciate it. Thank you." Brian embraced a very surprised Melanie. By now, people were starting to wonder what was up with him. No one had ever seen Brian this open.

"Lindsey, what can I say to the woman who gave me my son? Thank you seems inadequate, but it's all I have. That and I love you." Brian hugged Lindsey, then kissed her cheek.

Brian glanced around the room. Deb, Justin, and Michael were left. Brian moved in front of Justin. "Sunshine. Where do I start? You burst into my life less than three years ago, but it seems like you have always been here. You made me break all my rules, and I'm a better man for it. You made me realize that love and sex can and should go together. I'm sorry for hurting you, but we made a lousy couple. But we make great friends. I love you." Brian hugged Justin and kissed him softly on the lips.

Brian drained his glass. Being open with his emotions was tiring, but he was almost done. He turned to Deb. "Debbie, you are an amazing woman. You raised a wonderful son, but didn't stop there. You took an angry, scared fourteen year old into your heart and treated him like your own. You accepted both boys for who they were. Then you expanded your tribe, taking in your son's friends. Then the boys on Liberty Avenue. Then a seventeen year old who had no place else to go. Along the way, you forced your brother to live when he felt like giving up. And you molded me into a better man. Although I've never shown it, I love you. Thank you for loving me." Brian hugged Deb tightly, trying to make up for 17 years of hugs in one shot.

By now, everyone was crying. They couldn't help but notice that he'd saved Michael for last. And all this emotion had to have a purpose. They all held their breaths as Brian knelt down in front of Michael.

"Michael. How do I tell you what you mean to me? I was a scared, angry kid. I projected this tough guy image, but you saw right through it. And you loved me anyway. I needed that love. Even when I pushed you away, I needed your love. Because if someone as amazing as you loved me, then I couldn't be as bad as my parents kept telling me I was. You stuck by me. You always forgave me, no matter what I did. Your strength amazes me." Brian stopped, reached into his pants pocket, and pulled out a box, a small jeweler's box. Brian shifted so that he was kneeling on one knee and opened the box. Inside was a pair of heavy gold bands. "Michael Charles Novotny. I love you. I have since we were fourteen years old, and I will until the end of time. Will you marry me?" 

Brian held his breath. Maybe it was too soon. Maybe he should have waited. Maybe...

Michael opened his mouth, but nothing came out. Shock had rendered him speechless. Clearing his voice, he tried again. "I love you. But Ma-"

Brian blushed. "I already asked her permission. She said yes." Brian spared a glare for the room. "I was trying to do it the right way." He turned back to Michael. "Are you going to answer the question?"

It was Michael's turn to blush. "You mean I didn't? Ok. Then YES!!!" Michael threw himself into Brian's arms and began kissing him. They were lost in their own world when the door buzzed. Thinking it was the second delivery of food, Justin let whoever it was up without checking, then answered the knocking door. Shock kept Justin silent, but not for long.

"Ben. What are you doing here?" 

Standing in the doorway, Ben caught sight of Michael and Brian lost in passion. His face paled behind his tan. "I'm interrupting, I should go." Ben turned to leave.

Making a quick decision, Justin stopped him. Michael needed to tell Ben what had happened. "No, stay, but don't interrupt this moment." Justin turned back to the crowd. Everyone except the happy couple had noticed who it was, and were looking at him with varying degrees of hostility.

When it looked like they would go on kissing for hours, Justin pulled Brian and Michael apart. "Congratulations. Now, my only question is, who's best man am I going to be?"

Ben's face got even whiter as he realized what he'd interrupted. He'd known that something was going on between them when he'd left. He shouldn't have listened to the monks who'd told him that he'd jumped to conclusions. He'd been right.

Michael and Brian accepted the well-wishes of their friends, then Michael noticed the man standing by the door. "Ben." Brian tensed as he fought the urge to punch Ben in the nose.

Realizing that Michael had things to talk to Ben about, the crowd left quickly. Everyone was out the door in ten minutes, except for Justin. Someone had to keep Brian from decking Ben, or Ben from hitting Brian, and Justin knew that Michael wasn't going to be up to the job. Michael hadn't moved once he laid eyes on Ben.

Ben was the first to move. "I see congratulations are in order. That didn't take you long, did it Brian?"

With barely concealed venom, Brian said, "Less time than you know. Michael and I have been together for less than two weeks."

"Oh, and what have you been doing while I was gone?" Disbelief dripped from Ben's voice.

It was Michael who supplied the answer. "Trying to kill myself with a heroin overdose."

The image of Michael doing drugs was so counter to Ben's image of him, that denial was the first reaction. "What kind of game are you three playing?"

Michael pushed up the sleeve of his shirt. His arms hadn't completely healed yet, so he shoved his arm in Ben's face. "Does this look like a fucking game?" The pain and anger in Michael's voice washed over Ben like a wave. "Or do you even care? What are you doing here anyway?" Michael moved into Brian's arms as he spoke. 

Ben turned to Justin, "What's going on here? What are you still doing here?"

Justin just shook his head, "I'm just here to keep Michael from having to make another trip to the police station today. Now, why don't you answer his questions?"

Ben shook his head in confusion. He'd known about Michael and Justin making up, but when had the Brian and Justin started talking again? "Michael, can we go somewhere private to talk?"

Michael shook his head. "No. I'm not supposed to be out on my own yet."

"And being with me would equal being out on your own?"

"Let me rephrase that. I'm not supposed to be out without someone I trust. And after your little tantrum the night you left, you no longer qualify." Michael still couldn't think about his fight with Ben without pain. "And you still haven't told me what you are doing here." 

Ben flinched as though Michael had hit him. "Brian's loft, or Pittsburgh?"

"Either." 

"Vic told me that you were probably here, he didn't tell me why. As for why I'm back in Pittsburgh, I missed you." 

Michael laughed, a dry, ironic laugh. "Oh, that's funny. You accuse me of cheating on you, leave the country without a word for five months, and I'm supposed to believe that you missed me."

Ben sighed. Now that Brian and Michael were a couple, he knew he had no chance, but he had to try. "Do you really think that Brian will be faithful to you? Or are you going to have the same kind of relationship he had with Justin?" 

Brian shifted his weight, as though preparing for a fight, but Justin moved quicker. "Look Ben. I know you loved Michael, but you have no idea what he's been through since you left. There is nothing on this earth that would make Brian hurt him. They have both changed since you left. Hell, all of us have. You haven't even bothered to find out the story behind the track marks on Michael's arm." Justin ended his speech inches from Ben's face. Ben tried to stare down the younger man, but Justin refused, and Ben dropped his gaze first. 

Michael smiled. Now that he and Brian were together, that left an opening for a best friend. It looked like the position had been filled. "And I want to tell you Ben. You deserve to know. But I don't want to hear another word against Brian." Michael motioned Ben toward a chair. He wasn't sure how much he should tell Ben. He knew that he wanted to tell him the truth, but he didn't want to hurt him with it. But Ben deserved to know everything.

Starting slowly, Michael told the story. Leaving out the part about remembering Ethan, Michael edited nothing else. Michael picked up steam as the most difficult parts tried to stall. When words failed him, Brian took over. Brian was harsher on himself and Ben then Michael had been, but stuck close to the truth.

When the story was finished, Ben was pale. "Oh Michael. Can you forgive me?" Ben was reminded of the inscription he'd written to Michael the night of their first date. He truly did have the heart of a superhero.

Michael studied Ben. Could he forgive Ben for his cruel words? "Ben, the fight was your fault, nothing else. And yes, I forgive you for what you said. You knew it wasn't true when you said it."

"Yes I did. I told you last year that it was ok that you loved Brian. I knew when I saw Justin leave that Brian was going to need you. I just couldn't handle how much he needed you. And I think I knew that he was going to realize how much he loved you." Ben quietly admitted the real reason he left. He couldn't stand by and watch Brian steal Michael's heart again.

Justin had been quiet, but he knew what Ben was going through, and he had to help. "Ben, I know how hard it can be to be on the outside of Brian and Michael. They don't mean to do it, but they shut people out. But you should have told Michael that you were feeling left out, you know Michael would never have hurt you on purpose. And he would have tried. He did for me. You just never said it bothered you. I would ask Michael if you were ok with the amount of time he was spending with Brian, and he kept saying that you understood. Because that's what you kept telling him. Until the night you left."

Ben accepted responsibility for the end of his relationship with Michael. "Michael, I screwed up, badly. I won't ask for another chance. Both because I don't deserve one and because I could never ask you to give up your heart's desire." 

Michael moved toward Ben. "Ben, I know how hard it is to see Brian and me together, but remember this. I love you. You taught me a lot, and I used some of the things you taught me to get through the rough parts of the past two weeks. I hope we can remain friends."

Ben opened his arms, letting Michael decide whether to hug him or not. "I would like that. I love you, too." Michael moved into Ben's arms.

Brian watched the man he loved use his amazing heart to heal Ben. To his surprise, there was no jealousy. He knew that Michael's heart was large enough to love Ben and still have more than enough room for him.

Justin walked over to Brian. "Your boyfriend is amazing. Are we sure he's not really a superhero?"

Brian smiled. "No I'm not sure. He has a special way with people. I knew he'd forgive Ben; Ben just had to ask."

Ben and Michael pulled apart. Ben walked over to Brian and shook his hand. "Congratulations. I don't have to tell you that if you hurt him, I'll kill you." Ben's easy tone did nothing to hide the seriousness of his message.

"Yes, I know." Brian met Ben's message with one of his own. This message was unspoken, but easily understood none the less. *Michael is mine.*

Michael and Justin watched the interaction, knowing that it would never have to be settled again.

Ben smiled. Message received and understood. "I hope I will get an invitation to the wedding."

Michael assured Ben that he would, then walked him to the door. He and Brian had much to discuss. "Bye Ben. I'll call you later."

"Bye, Michael." And Ben was gone. Michael turned to Justin.

Before Michael could say a word, Justin laughed. "You don't have to tell me once. I'm out of here. And we still haven't decided who's best man I'm going to be." With that laughing reminder, Justin was out the door.

Brian turned to Michael. "Alone at last." He pulled Michael into his arms. "Now, where were we before Ben interrupted us?"

Snuggling up against Brian, Michael laughed. "Right about here." Brian softly kissed the lips of the man he was going to spend the rest of his life with.

~~~~~ 

Present day

Michael pulled himself back to the present. Tears streamed down his face as he remembered those wild, scary beginnings. Gus sniffled.

"But you guys didn't get married for another 10 years. I remember that ceremony."

Brian laughed. "You were twelve, almost thirteen and wrapped up in your own life. You didn't notice that we were renewing our vows. It was our 10th anniversary."

Blushing, Gus remembered not really paying attention to the goings on in his fathers' lives. "Oops. So what happened to Travis, Ethan, and Sap?"

Michael sighed. "The charges were dropped against Ethan, but his reputation was shot. Last I heard, he was working as a studio musician in LA. Travis spent seven years in federal prison on weapons violations and parole violations. And Sap was fired and blackballed in every gay club on the eastern seaboard. No one has heard from him since."

Gus hesitated before asking the next question. He didn't want either man to regret trusting him with the whole truth, but he needed to know. "Did you ever tell Justin that you remembered Ethan?"

It was Brian who answered. "Yes, about eight years ago. It had been long enough and he had the right to know. He'd had a few long term relationships and hearing about Ethan wouldn't hurt so much." Brian felt lighter for having told his son the truth. He only hoped that Gus understood and would forgive.

Michael looked from one pair of hazel eyes to the other. He hoped that Gus wouldn't hold old mistakes against either of them. Gus might not be his biological child, but he was his son in every way that mattered. Gus's opinion of him mattered. 

Gus stood up and walked over to his father. "I love you, dad. Nothing could ever change that. And as for you Father Michael, I knew you had hidden strengths, but you amaze me. You are my hero. I love you." Gus embraced first one father, then the other.

Gus decided that the mood was too heavy and asked a much lighter question. "So, who got Uncle Justin for their best man?"

Michael laughed. "That was quite a discussion. In the end, Brian got him. I had Emmett. You were the ring bearer. You were adorable." 

Gus blushed, almost resembling Michael at that moment. "Ok, before you two embarrass me any further, I have a class I need to study for. I'll talk to you two later. And remember, I love both of you."

Brian and Michael hugged Gus goodbye and watched as their son headed out into the world.

Standing side by side, Michael put his arm around the man he'd loved for so long. "Now that he knows, how do you feel?"

Brian embraced Michael, then they walked back to the living room. "Surprisingly good. He doesn't blame me."

"There was never a question about that. I love you. It's been 37 years since I fell in love with you and I love you more and more everyday." Michael moved closer to Brian, teasing him with his body. "And you still turn me on."

Brian let go of the last of his guilt. The decisions he made so long ago had led him to this point. He pulled Michael into his arms. "You know, it's been too long since I've had you in bed." 

"Yeah, a whole six hours. A lifetime."

"Our lifetime."

Michael and Brian walked toward the bedroom, arm in arm. The Dynamic Duo, together forever.


End file.
